mood mellow
listening to Volcano by Damien Rice

Chinese New Year = Angbao aplenty!

My CNY grows increasingly quiet as the years go by. It just feels like such a chore going through the normal rites of shopping for new clothes, waking up early, visiting everyone, while being careful not to look like a hawk preying on their purses for angbaos. It's just so awkward. Gimme a cuppa coffee and a good book, anytime.

Yesterday R and I had a short tiff. I have no idea since when did the magic dust all start to wear off, cos now everything just seems to have quieten a great deal. Talking about our future used to be such a pleasure, where love just magically weaves our imagination and hopes into something concrete and promising. Yet now, it just seems like a taboo, because talking about it sends him into a frenzy of restlessness and hopelessness, exclaiming "there is nothing i can do about it."

I think my problem, is not that i love too much. It's that i feel too much for love.

Love is the most beautiful thing on earth. I believed that and i still do. As such, love inevitably demands perfection, to me at least. Perhaps my ideals may just be the thing that kills it all, because i want love never to lose its lustre, i want the magical dust to always rest on top of our heads and continue shimmering for as long as we live. I want everything to be picture perfect, and it scared me to see how almost all the married couples i encounter seem to have fallen from what used to be tender affections for each other to the monotonous and obligatory existence of a married life. They no longer strive to love each other to the best of their abilities, but struggles to put up with each other's demands and flaws.

I never ever want to be in that kind of position, ever. Probably this is what makes me so demanding. I want to be able to live til 70 or 80 and still look at my husband with sparkle in my eyes, remembering those times when we fell in love. Those times when we sat at the bus stop til 4 am talking, those late night talks and stayovers, those times we held hands and look into each other's eyes and could have sweared that we could stay like that forever.

anyway, this morning a very funny thing happened. Ahpui and Ginger did a mini escapade out of their little cage by a clever trick of tugging at the base of the orange compartment, thus shifting it and allowing it to drop open.

I was having some weird dream when at 5am, i was rudely awakened by an odd sensation on my right foot. I flipped open my blanket and to my shock, there was Ginger, plomped right smack in the middle of my bed and happily gnawing my toe!!

argh!

so i quickly did a tiny ransacking before Ahpui came crawling out of underneath my bed. Put them both back to their cage sound and proper and off i went back to sleep. at five am!

what audacity these two rodents have.

:D