Saturday, August 27, 2005
 mood melancholic listening to Dying by Five for Fighting
wrote this post on saturday but it didnt get posted thanks to lousy connection: IBG hockey is on today and i'm dead sure we're gonna get trashed inside out upside down. With the hockey captain in the one opponent team and big buffed players in the another team, we may as well get our puny skinny selves to stroll into the court carrying a white flag. What more with almost absolutely zero trainings, i don't know why i'm even bothering to turn up, shuttling from hall to suntec, back to hall and off to cellgroup, just to salvage the pathetic attendance. Not as if i can actually make the situation any better.
IBG swimming on sunday. haven't been swimming for almost a year and they're throwing me into water. oh well.
Tomorrow is gonna be another crazy day. Rush back straight after church, swim, rush off to tuition, rush to orchard to meet fiona, who just came back from USA.
how am i gonna do it, man? i've got all but two legs.and sure enough, we did get thrashed pretty bad, but no matter. it was good fun. :D speaking of connection, i am mortally pissed with my internet connection. once in a while my wireless connection just goes *poof* and all of a sudden i'm detached from civilisation. it goes on off on off. maybe this is God's way of telling me to get my bum down to studying or something. so yes, i've been feeling rather melancholic lately, which is irritating. Being emo is just such a hassle, when you've got a thousand and one other things to mind about. It's like having this disgusting cherry on top of my banana split. I ignore it til it's eventually left swimming in the little puddle of melted left over ice cream, and all along while eating my banana split, the sight of that irksome red thing distracts me. i hate cherry bytheway. i've just been pondering a plenty over life. over what happened, what i wanted to happen that didnt happen or have yet to happen, what already happened that i wish could happen once more, what could have happened but didn't happen. yah. the likes. and this led me to become rather irritating and ask rudy a lot of rethorical questions, like "have you ever thought how your life would be if i'm not around?" or "when two people get together there are certain expectations you have of each other which was to a large extent the motives behind getting together in the first place. what if you realise one day that i'm not the person you expected me to be?" or "what if the two trains do not want to run parallel anymore?". and then i proceeded to tell him that i'm actually not a very nice person. i'm actually quite unreasonable at times, i get jealous, i'm a bit possessive, and there are just many occasions when i would feel mean. you know, just mean. the poor boy actually went wide-eyed and exclaimed in mock horror, "are you trying to break up with me??" to which i laughed out loud because all this incredulity just tickled me. is it just me or do girls generally have their emo moments? being emo sucks. Felice @ 11:48 AM
Friday, August 19, 2005
 mood disturbed listening to I'm Coming Through by Diana Krall drinking warm green tea <-- Look at this Keroppi lunchbox! hahaha. Rudy brought me some cherry tomatoes yesterday, all neatly sitting in this little green box, legacy of his primary school days. So sentimental, my boyfriend. I remember having lots of these lunchboxes with cartoon characters on them too. I still vividly recall how i would bug my mum to get me those pretty colourful Sanrio boxes but she got me their uglier substitutes instead, because they were rather pricey. My mum hated going shopping with me. I was such a whiner. Remnants of my cough are still lingering. i'm getting a bit desperate now, to the point where i'm mentally begging it to go away. I totally refrain from chocolates (which i normally wouldnt quite care), fried food, and have been attempting to drink more warm fluids, with a bit more zeal than usual. I even smacked myself into forgoing my craving for curly fries when i went to Macs with Denyse, Keerling and the gang today. sad, aye? Now if you know me well enough you would know about my heck-care attitude towards sickness of this sort. so you should be able to roughly extrapolate the degree of my desperation. go away, cough. *chants* Just a while ago, my mind caught hold of some flying random thoughts and I'm just baffled by how emotion-driven some people are. Baffled and amazed to the point of incredulity. Pastor once talked about living by revelation, not by emotion. Coupled with some smacking first-hand experience, this piece of mind has rather been the accelerator in my course of growing up. well, sometimes you just gotta learn the hard way. So to succumb to swaying moods to make decisions and to rest your weight on others to get a ticket to cloud nine is honestly beyond my comprehension. Definitely, we are all human. It isn't a crime to feel emotions. Just don't live by them. I mean, isn't it tiring?? Get up and quit emo-ing already. Felice @ 5:06 PM
Thursday, August 18, 2005
 mood sleepy and melancholic (rainy days what do you expect) listening to Caribbean Blue by Enya (i like!) Will somebody just throw me a bucket of cold water?Out of the few cheap thrills in life, nothing beats the feeling of waking up to the pitter patter of rain outside my window, being tightly snuggled in my soft cotton duvet and basking in the cool, misty air that by then has filled the room. I would give anything. Anything for a few more hours of slumber. Deep slumber. Slept through breakfast and woke up just in time to get ready for lecture. What a spoiler. Freaking citric acid cycles and glucose metabolism. I was just browsing through my archives, roughly a year ago to be precise, when i just entered university, was dating with rudy and was knee-deep in adjusting to school, playing hard and studying. This one perhaps not so hard. I was momentarily jolted by how different i sounded in my entries. Like i was such a bouncy happy chappy declaring "hey world, here i come". The spontaneity and carefree feel was so apparent, i am actually rather envious. Everything seemed picture perfect then. Everyone seemed so generous to share a piece of their lives. I guess we are all travelers, each set to find our own gold chest in our treasure island somewhere beyond the familiarity and comfort where our bums have always rested. In our own travail, through sweat and tears, some found themselves, some left a piece of their heart along the course, while some completely lost it. I'm done with my voyage. God has been good. It's time to repair the worn sail, oil the rusty parts and set off once again. Where to i do not know, but it's time to go. any chance that i may skip lecture tonight? *thunders* ok i get it. Felice @ 12:37 PM
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
 mood fuzzy wuzzy hooked on to Everybody's Got A Story by Amanda Marshall The Battle with Germs part IIJust downed the last cough capsule medicine my mum got me. Left with the syrup now. I'm somewhat better, eventhough it's hard to tell if i owe it all to the medicines or simply my own immune system. Afterall it's lasted around a week already. About time too. This afternoon i noticed that my yellow mousie cup cover was glazed with a tiny layer of dust. now seriously, how many zillion dust particles have i consumed during my un-covered cup days? I missed IBG opening today. Huiqing asked me if i want to run for IBG Track and Field. I couldn't do it either, because of my evening lecture. sigh. Somehow i foresee more disappearance of this sort in the coming 4 months. Shoot me, but sometimes we just gotta live and let live. Over the past few days and perhaps weeks, certain aspects of my life have been rendered head on with encounters which challenge my perception of what constitutes and justifies the theoretical "right". It pains so much to see some people walking right into the endless abyss of problems, self-destruction, and a lifetime of judgement. It's as though it's too painful to face, i just walk away from it altogether. Sometimes it's so difficult to love people, especially when they've strayed so far, gone in so deep, flown so high. Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. So til i'm home, here i shall remain. Quote: There are no magical steps to falling in love. love is not a science, it cannot be explained, and yet it is true and real and wonderful. Jesus is the same. he cannot be explained, and lots of people create arguments as to why he is not real, or why he's not God, or whatever, but i think that's just silly, because Jesus is not science. knowing him and following him are like being in love, and being in love is great and true and real.I love Jesus. Because He changed my life. =) Felice @ 8:53 PM
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
 mood tickled listening to Ten Days by Missy Higgins I think i've discovered the joy of uploading photos to my blog. It added some colour and life and while scrolling down my own blog, the entries seem somewhat more personal. so today, i felt like posting some ugly photo. and i mean shockingly grotesque pictures which tickle somewhere at the back of your throat such that you want to puke. Then i thought of this soft-shell turtle that rudy once bought out of amusement, before he eventually released them into the reservoir because he read somewhere that they are carriers of virus of some sorts. or maybe they're just too ugly to be living under the same roof. Those two turtles have probably eaten up all the fishes in the said reservoir and now grown to some humongous, uglier-looking carnivore. I wouldnt know. UGLY LIKE ANYTHING!!!!! they're so ugly i feel like chopping their pig-snout off and cook them in soups. anyways. My cough is getting a weeetle better but still annoying the living sh*t out of me. This afternoon i was photocopying my Bahasa Indo text at the central library and coughing away a little. From the corner of my eye i could see this guy looking at me intently and after a while he tapped me and offered me tissue, which i politely declined cos i also have! just that they're not much use in this sort of situation. It was a sweet and considerate gesture i admit, but what, was he really expecting me to cough out phlegm into tissue while surrounded by photocopying machines, not to mention a bunch of strangers?? so. my battle with the germs continues. My laptop is seriously distracting me. I have yet to sit down and do a proper work for the past.. *gasp* two weeks. thanks to Fujitsu and Blogger. I just got my UOB Campus card PIN number today when i checked my pigeonhole after tutorial. yay!! online shopping here i come. *insert tribal dances* There's this summer programme to Sydney, Australia organised for the Science students this coming December. It is a cultural assimilation programme where we basically go there, meet people, get fat, be slack, do a module which will count towards our elective, and come back with 3 modular credit (now, tell me please, what on earth can you do with three modular credits?). The whole thing lasts 6 weeks and cost roughly $3,700. Or so they say. I applied last month, just for the sake of applying, cos i somehow felt that if they're shortlisting people according to results, i dont exactly have much chance since only 30-50 people are selected. I am actually very interested though, it'll do me good to spend some time abroad, aside from my routine of pendulum-swinging between vegetating in Indonesia and bustling in Singapore. ya, the North pole and South pole of my life. This morning i received an email that says there's a briefing next monday. I am still comtemplating whether or not to go, since it clashes with my lecture, and heck, not as though i'm shortlisted already. I kinda dread the feeling of having my hope brought so high and then crashed back down to earth again. but oh wells, hope i geddit. =) ciao. that's an UGLY entry for today.
Felice @ 12:17 PM
Sunday, August 14, 2005
 mood warm warm warm *coughs* listening to Look What You've Done by Jet (i'm loooooving this song)Some time ago Rudy actually commented that i blog about all sorts of tragedies and upsetting incidents but i never blog about things he gave me. hahaha. And i'm sad to say that that's rather true. I guess human emotions have it that at times we seem to rant on and on about things which displeased us, listing out a thousand and one reasons why we should hate the world, yet leaving out altogether the nice little things that peppered our otherwise dull existence. And i think i'm not doing him justice, cos he really has been such a sweet boyfriend and i hardly even talk about things that he does. Other than giving me the little grey furball currently sitting on my desk, he will occasionally make me ginseng tea, sneakily buy fruits (lying that they're for his mum and then shoving them into my plastic bag), pop over hall with food, and make sure i dont forget to eat my meals, among many other things. Sometimes during my negative moments i feel like i'm not good enough for him, cos i'm such an incompetent girlfriend. I forget to run his errands, i'm anything but romantic, and i irritate him to the brink of his sanity (but hey, not like he doesn't do that too!), but he's just always so patient and loving. i can just see him blushing now, man.A few days ago he gave me this yellow cup cover. so funny right!! He said that i never cover my mug, God knows how many zillion dust particles i've swallowed down. They're probably cluttering my intestinal wall right now. so he got me that. *points at picture* This piece of yellow plastic actually has a suction effect, such that when you tap it lightly on your cup/mug, it promptly sticks to the mouth of the cup, creating an airtight, dust-free space. very clever! The yellow actually matches my cheapo yellow orientation mug too. =) anyways! i'm still coughing like a mad woman. God, it's so tiring.. hopefully it goes away very soon. Wont want to be flooding level 5 with cough germs. They're lethal, trust me. My mum gave me a pack of pine nuts yesterday. Said that they're really healthy and loaded with protein, and i should munch on them when i'm hungry, instead of grabbing the nearest Pringles, Lay's or Doritos. Been eating them for a day now and boy, i'm hooked! they're so nice, better than macadamia and almonds, which are hard and not friendly for my weak teeth. so yay. i've found another yummy addition to my snack list. Ripped this off somebody's blog. Colorgenics mood testYou have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realization of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will. You are looking for something different. Your imagination has been working overtime and you are seeking adventure - and you'd like to share that adventure, the new experience, with someone like yourself: Imaginative, Enthusiastic and Sensitive. All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favorite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax. You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone. You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone. hmm.. quite an interesting test, some of them are rather accurate. anyhoo.. off to do homework now! Felice @ 8:02 PM
Saturday, August 13, 2005
 mood unwell listening to You're Beautiful by James Blunt <-- check out this little msn display picture that Pdus made. so cool. =D Bible study with Pst. Audrey today was so fantastic! For a moment i was quite intimidated by the prospect of sitting face to face with pastor for an hour and a half. But she was actually such a nice, nice lady indeed! Hope to be able to give bible study like her in time to come. Was lured by the big "SALE" sign outside Aussino at suntec after that and ended up looking at bedsheets for a good 20 minutes since i needed one. They were so nice and colourful but a little too pricey for my liking. I seriously ought to fend off all these shopping temptations. I shudder when i think of the day when i eventually have to move out from hall. Think i'll need to hire a lorry. Rudy had submission this morning and the poor boy didn't sleep the whole night, other than that 1 hour snooze at 7am in the morning before he had to rush off for presentation again. sometimes i cant help but look at singapore education system with hatred and disgust. i loathe it with all my heart and soul. With all due respect and in my humble opinion, i think one of the few things singapore citizens can really take pride in is that their inborn kiasuness has blessed them with the stamina to queue for silly things like Hello Kitty toys, rush into mrt trains at lightning speed (nevermind that they knocked a few people down or stepped on a few toes), and ok fine, they have a nice airport. Had my first Bahasa Indonesia 5 lecture yesterday, and boy... It was so typical Indonesian. extremely slow-paced, plenty of pauses, unnecessary repetition of points, GAH!!! Have i ever mentioned that i hate shopping in indonesia? because i practically grow mould while waiting for the cashier to scan the prices! anything roughly in the middle? life in hall is getting increasingly lonely nowadays, and i know it's gonna get worse. Just had some last minute timetable changes to my Bahasa Indo lectures, and thank you very much, i know end school only at 8pm on tuesday, wed and thurs, 7pm on monday, and on the only evening-free day i have, i gotta give tuition. Bible study and cg on saturday, svc on sunday. after svc still gotta have another tuition session. Seems like i'm gonna be another phantom in hall this semester, not that i have a choice. I suppose to a certain extent people make friends out of convenience.. I remember when suzanne was considering moving out of hall early this year, people were saying what a pity it would be, that friends just wont be as close anymore, things wont be the same. i suppose that's rather true, but isnt it just sad, that the depth of a friendship is just limited by the distance of your rooms and perhaps the inflexibility of your timetable? I'm thankful that i still have people like Gid and Khala around, that eventhough we may not see each other as often as before, when we meet each other we still continue from where we left off. I'm honestly losing faith in all these so-called "i love you, you love me" crap. It's sad how volatile friendships are. one moment you're chummy buddies and a few years, or even months down the road, you bump into them on the street or corridor, and what you register in their eyes is simply, "oh, another one of the thousand faces." I guess it's my fault, that people think i just dont care. People think i'm ice and i just freeze in my little nest. They think since i have a boyfriend so i've floated away in my little happy cloud somewhere out there and i just dont bother about anyone. Apparently it's just not meant to be. Anyways, went to meet my mum after bible study and ventured around chinatown. Bought a plain, royal blue bedsheet to match the quilt cover rudy gave me last christmas. yay! no more mismatched pillowcase, bed sheet and cover! *throws confetti* My mum is such a sweet thing. she bought me tons of fruits, herbal tea, cough medicine when she found out that i've been coughing my lungs out for the past few days. i miss having someone cook for me. eating hall food is becoming such a chore. argh.. been coughing so much that i'm developing abs. stomach feel so sore from all the muscle contractions, thanks to excessive coughing. so upseting. Went to CK department store too and it was such a pleasant marketing experience. haha. the place was very auntie-fied i know, but the things there are soooo cheapppp!!!!! for once we actually didnt have to shop while minding the imaginary rope around our neck while tabulating the prices of our buys. The household essentials we bought were like less than 2 buckeroos each. what a steal. hee.. Me and rudy was discussing ways to live more frugally since we are both notorious for our unhealthy spending habits, cab-overdose for him and shopping-overdose for me, handphone bills, not to mention the ongoing building fund. so we were thinking of making sandwiches for lunch instead of eating out. anyway you see Subway sandwiches and cafe salads, they're actually bloody easy to make la!!!! so i actually bought a coupla lunch boxes too. to keep all the sandwich ingredients. healthy and frugal living from now on. anyways, ah pui has been such an awesome company. he's just the most adorable thing. =) gonna do up my pretty bed now. bye. Felice @ 9:44 PM
Friday, August 12, 2005
listening to Flowers in the Window by Travis gah.. lecture in 1 half more hours. we had our block initiation last night and the seniors had a great lot of fun splashing all sorts of disgusting gunk and goos onto the blind-folded freshies while leading them to the back of the hall to be dumped into the pond. peanut butter, expired chocolate ice cream, ketchup, and last but not least, pumpkin sauce. that pungent smelling thing was so gross, cant believe anyone actually use them for cooking purposes. nobody knows it better than mark and gabriel, they were victims of our virgin attempts of using pumpkin sauce for birthday pranks. haha. i like.   and off they went to the slaughterhouse...   evil edwin!   ... and into the pond. had a small talk with JW yesterday, and apparently he thinks that last year it was as though i disappeared from the block. sure or not, so severe?oh well.. honestly, i have my apprehension about staying in hall next year. too lazy to elaborate, but lets just say that certain things are not as rosy as promised. when you put your expectations in people, disappointments are just always around the corner. i can doubt anyone, anyone. but i know You are faithful til the end.I gave my two longest-surviving tetras to Jasmine, this new freshie in the block who got excited when she saw the abundance of animals in my room. and one of them only got to see a single light of day in her room before it... departed peacefully.
or suffocatingly i must say. me thinks there weren't enought oxygen crystals.
so cute this jasmine, she came running into my room carrying the tank, fish and all, like as though i'm this fish doctor and she was expecting me to resurrect the dead fish. =) ack... better get ready for class. tata.
Felice @ 12:30 PM
Saturday, August 06, 2005
mood nua
hooked on to All i need is You by Hillsong United And the rest of Sheares are off at SRC to support rag, while here i am holed up in my room, sitting on my comfortable (boy, is it comfortable) bed, yabbering away on my laptop. yesterday i was still contemplating waking my bum in the blindness of the morning to perhaps join them for breakfast and support a bit of rag before going down to SIS. but alas, the morning beckons and it was already 9. sometimes, no matter how much effort i seem to put in, i just inevitably grow increasingly detached from hall life, not to mention the lack of purpose i sometimes see in all these meaningless camaraderie. wait, that is an oxymoron. camaraderie, n. : Goodwill and lighthearted rapport between or among friends; comradeship. [French, from camarade, comrade, from Old French, roommate. See comrade.] well. went down to orchard yesterday to get my black pants for this sunday's choir duty. i had to suppress this huge, bubbling urge to shop the size of a Triceratops and it cost every single fiber of my shopaholic self. If rudy's mood had been a little more accomodating i prolly wouldn't have succeeded leaving orchard only with a lone Zara paper bag. nevermind. must ren. on to a new topic, i have found a new love. His name is Choya. Moments with him were sweet and never dull. Within 5 minutes of the time spent together i was feeling rather high, all warm and fuzzy! You see, Choya is a Japanese plum wine. it's this traditional Japanese aperitif / dessert wine. Serving suggestions include: on the rocks, as a tonic or simply poured over vanilla ice cream to enjoy a unique plum flavored dessert. in the exact words of the advertiser. it looks like this.  i didnt have the luxury of a 750ml Choya though. Rudy got me the baby version after i retold my first experience of drinking Choya 6 years ago. see, so tiny.  i personally like it on the rocks, with a coupla ice cubes. It makes the taste not too strong (at 16% alcohol content it's makes you pretty knocked out if consumed too much), and somehow brings out the sweetness of the plum. and with that said, i've fallen in love with Choya all over again. ok. i'm sounding too much like an alcoholic for my own good. but do give it a try, it's yummy. =) i realise nowadays i seem to have developed a penchant for writing blog entries which are full of incoherent thoughts and unclear endings. but what do you care, it's my blog. and i dont think anyone reads anymore. other than rudy. heee... ciao.
Felice @ 11:08 AM
Thursday, August 04, 2005
... and things came and went.listening to Deeper by Hillsong United i've changed my blog layout again. you may be thinking, what's the point anyway, this blog is like semi-dead. don't think this layout will last long though. i don't seem to be able to find the perfect layout. how on earth do people actually have the patience to surf blogskins and go through one layout after another? i dont have that kind of patience. nuh-uh. check out the roach at the bottom of each entry! haha.. anyways! this weekend is the Festival of Praise!! been a christian for close to 3 years already and this is the first time i'm actually in town on time for this. yay yay.. =) met up with an old friend yesterday and boy, it was such a nostalgic experience. dropped by her house for a while, took some photos while sitting on the sofa. the very sofa we took photos on 6 years ago. took another photo near the windows, and they were the exact windows we once took photos at 6 years ago. it was such a deja vu. a before-and-after photo coming up! after i manage to dig 'em out, hopefully soon. we sat at coffee bean from 5.20 til 8.20, after which we proceeded to din tai fung and further warmed our bums til 9.30, catching up on what we missed in each other's lives, and on our love lives too. mainly hers, which was complicated enough to be produced into a 100-parter Days of Our Lives sequel. i came back hall close to midnight feeling all weird (prolly as a result of the 10 xiao long baos i ate) and super-emo. i suddenly felt twenty years older after all the nostalgia but most importantly i felt so thankful for how gracious God has been in my life. that whatever me and rudy have between us is as simple as loving one another to the best of our abilities. We took a leisurely stroll down memory lane and it struck me how 7 years ago everything was so carefree and simple, where the only things we seemed to devote ourselves to was buying mango cake for our favourite teacher's birthday and making friendship bands. we were such retards but at least there was no malice on the faces of the girls donning CHIJ pinnafore. *ponders* ok i'm worn out. ciao for now!
Felice @ 3:17 PM
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
mood blocked nose. hooked on to Wishes (Le Cople Ver.) by Camomile Blend Havent been blogging for elephantillion years already. Gahh... so yes, i'm back from indo already, and upon stepping into the land of Singapore, i found myself in possession of a chubby, fat, grey, squinty-eyed winter sapphire hamster called ah pui. dont look at me like that, the pet shop owner named him so. we wanted to give him a more "glam" name but after much laughs, mockeries and jokes, the name kind of acquired an affectionate resonance to it. so it stuck. He picked me up at the airport together with Rudy, nestled in his spacious cage. Rudy has a thing for fat creatures (am i supposed to be worried?). He's also been pampering ah pui with some cage attachments, wood bits, cotton lumps (which ah pui loves), and lots, i mean lots, of nibbles. i love ah pui to bits. He's so funny and cheeky and lazy and fat! Rudy is really spoiling me silly. guppies, shrimps, tortoise, and now this... ^^ orientation is well over by now, and the whole freshie-meet-seniors quest brings back so much nostalgia, which i rather miss. i guess primary reason being, it's a gentle reminder that one year has whizzed by yet again. shielvi came back from USA already. so funny, we used to go to school together and now she's graduated, looking for a job and all. they seem like such a grown-up thing to do, while i'm still stuck in school, not that it's a bad thing. if only i could be 19 forever. gotta go now. til then..
Felice @ 2:59 PM
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mood melancholic
