mood: quiet (because i literally cant talk)
listening to: the stillness of my room
the first week which spells F R E E D O M.
For the first time in mammoth years i actually don't need to fuss about undone tutorials, lab reports and mundane lectures to attend.
But the concept of freedom is ironic. This december hols is already jam-packed with appointments, obligations, commitments and whatnots. so there you go, within the boundary of freedom which we dearly embrace, restrictions and limitations are as inevitable.
However, instead of deciding which lab reports to attempt first, i can finally decide on things which require less flinching of inteligent muscles such as which top to wear, which day to go shopping, who to meet first, yadda yadda. HAHA.
i'm down with an evil sorethroat. if jingwen is reading this he'll probably be rolling on the floor laughing his head off. lesson learnt: next time do not laugh at fellow brothers in adversary lest you are blessed with the same fate.
my poor body feels as though it is slowly purging out the harmful effects of exam which it has been accumulating. like a dam gone bust, it's coming out in merciless streams. now i gotta attempt to make out for those lack-a-sleep-athon, do my eyes some justice and hopefully rid them of their undesirable parasites called dark rings.
slept at the impossibly early hour of 9.45pm. wanted to sleep for an hour or two and then maybe get down to finally doing some self-indulging activity like reading suzanne's Alchemist by Paul Coelho which had previously been collecting dust on my shelves thanks to school, school and school. but woke up only at 2am to see some unreplied msn messages and went promptly back to sleep. woke up only an hour ago to puffy eyes (now help me out here) and the disappearance of my voice.
am feeling chilly. hopefully i'm not on my way to sickness or this holiday is gonna be such a goner.
i havent been spending enough time with myself. the journey from my mind to my heart seems to have taken a temporary halt. the haze seems to have made the flowers along the path look a shade darker. To identify with the complex network of feelings, emotions, perceptions, visions and dreams within my mind are no longer like reading the old familiar book. Rather, it's like hauling an ancient, dusty book from the corner of an attic. the musty smell is overwhelming, the yellowed pages bring guilt.
flipping open the first page, the writings seem familiar.
i've seen it somewhere.
what is the meaning of life but to stay connected with your very Maker?
You ask me who do i say that You are and I say that You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Saturday, November 27, 2004
over. done. FINITTO.
freedom, albeit temporal, is finally mine.
mine and mine and MINE.
even though it comes with the "quick to evaporate" labelling, it has been a long-awaited christmas present nonetheless.
sweet-smelling indeed. can't say the same for my papers though.
but oh well, i'm good. having entered NUS being a new fish in the fish tank and now having known the nooks and crannies of the infamous mug-race, next semester i'll know where to swim to. a more organised and conscientious felicia you shall see.
i have so many things in my mind waiting to be spilled out. random thoughts one after another are surfacing. each seems to have a mind of its own, and i'm not doing them justice by tying them down where they are even when i have a white screen in front of me courtesy of blogger. a blank white canvas for the mind. the heart is willing, but the flesh is weak.
anyways, to put it plain and simple, i'm feeling great. =)
the weather these few days have been heavenly. the pitter patter of the rain somehow always seem to transport me elsewhere (not to the land of the flying pigs FYI).
and listening to Maroon 5's Sunday Morning which i've idiotically but successfully installed on my blog defines my day even more. i even managed to somehow save it in my itune list. there you go, serendipity. :)
suz, i think our music taste is very symbiotic. haha. later i send you the song okie, so you dont need to watch the mtv in repetitive mode!
more on all that later. i gotta run or else my mum is going to hang me.
darn.. why do words always come at the least opportune moments.
freedom, albeit temporal, is finally mine.
mine and mine and MINE.
even though it comes with the "quick to evaporate" labelling, it has been a long-awaited christmas present nonetheless.
sweet-smelling indeed. can't say the same for my papers though.
but oh well, i'm good. having entered NUS being a new fish in the fish tank and now having known the nooks and crannies of the infamous mug-race, next semester i'll know where to swim to. a more organised and conscientious felicia you shall see.
i have so many things in my mind waiting to be spilled out. random thoughts one after another are surfacing. each seems to have a mind of its own, and i'm not doing them justice by tying them down where they are even when i have a white screen in front of me courtesy of blogger. a blank white canvas for the mind. the heart is willing, but the flesh is weak.
anyways, to put it plain and simple, i'm feeling great. =)
the weather these few days have been heavenly. the pitter patter of the rain somehow always seem to transport me elsewhere (not to the land of the flying pigs FYI).
and listening to Maroon 5's Sunday Morning which i've idiotically but successfully installed on my blog defines my day even more. i even managed to somehow save it in my itune list. there you go, serendipity. :)
suz, i think our music taste is very symbiotic. haha. later i send you the song okie, so you dont need to watch the mtv in repetitive mode!
more on all that later. i gotta run or else my mum is going to hang me.
darn.. why do words always come at the least opportune moments.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
i spent close to 2 hours browsing the net and changing this blog layout, customising, editing, and all of a sudden i feel like a html expert.
the joy is shortlived, however, because as soon as i'm done with the arduous task and took pleasure in thinking that i'm not that helpless a computer illiterate afterall, reality struck.
*dang*
i still have stats paper the day after tomorrow, and i'm already acting as though santa claus is coming tomorrow and that zara has decided to have a christmas warehouse sale.
i just seem to have a tendency to digress and lose focus at time when situation is most unfavourable. God.. 2 hours wasted.
anyways, i'm finally breathing again after 3 days of exams one after another. came back around 1 pm and had a hell of a time defrosting suzanne's rock-hard curry, which has interestingly and too successfully taken the shape af the plastic container. fossilised, as she calls it.
so after turning the kitchen upside down in search of decent kitchen utensils (which aren't many), we proceeded with the mission of settling our lunch.
it was hilarious i tell you. i can just go on about this but... i should get back to my stats.
suzanne came over to my room to study so that she'll not end up falling asleep in her room. and the scenario of the day is, both of us fell asleep on my bed. hahaha!
sorry suz, my room, or rather my sinful bed, isn't a good place to study. and somebody, whose identity i shall kindly protect, can 100% testify to that.
no, make it 200%.
you can own up at your own discretion. =)
the joy is shortlived, however, because as soon as i'm done with the arduous task and took pleasure in thinking that i'm not that helpless a computer illiterate afterall, reality struck.
*dang*
i still have stats paper the day after tomorrow, and i'm already acting as though santa claus is coming tomorrow and that zara has decided to have a christmas warehouse sale.
i just seem to have a tendency to digress and lose focus at time when situation is most unfavourable. God.. 2 hours wasted.
anyways, i'm finally breathing again after 3 days of exams one after another. came back around 1 pm and had a hell of a time defrosting suzanne's rock-hard curry, which has interestingly and too successfully taken the shape af the plastic container. fossilised, as she calls it.
so after turning the kitchen upside down in search of decent kitchen utensils (which aren't many), we proceeded with the mission of settling our lunch.
it was hilarious i tell you. i can just go on about this but... i should get back to my stats.
suzanne came over to my room to study so that she'll not end up falling asleep in her room. and the scenario of the day is, both of us fell asleep on my bed. hahaha!
sorry suz, my room, or rather my sinful bed, isn't a good place to study. and somebody, whose identity i shall kindly protect, can 100% testify to that.
no, make it 200%.
you can own up at your own discretion. =)
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
mood: tired.
hooked on to: Burn by Usher (somebody else's itune playlist)
goodie.. itune users are sprouting out of nowhere like mushrooms. these people are popping out in my shared music lists at a faster rate than Einstein came up with E=mc2. okay that's not very fast. but you get the idea.
so while i'm sinfully browsing at some stranger's gigabytes worth of songs and nursing my faithful headache which has decided to stuck by me like some loyal pooch, i'm actually pining for post-exam days. oh another torturous week...
dragged myself forcefully out of bed at 7.15am to do last minute recapping.. another paper at 9am tmr morning. eeks.
anyways, today's paper was alright. fullstop. i don't know how to do after-exam evaluation anymore. for i've come to acknowledge that in reality, it's not about how good you think you are. it's about how much better others are. the bell curve is an evil thing.
i stepped into my room 15 minutes ago and looked into the mirror. geez, i dont think i could look any shity-er. it's the exams i tell you. it's making me ugly.
i'm gonna take an hour's nap. not that it will make me look any better but i hopefully it's gonna make tonight more productive.
one hour. all that i can afford. starting now.
zzzzzzzzzz........
hooked on to: Burn by Usher (somebody else's itune playlist)
goodie.. itune users are sprouting out of nowhere like mushrooms. these people are popping out in my shared music lists at a faster rate than Einstein came up with E=mc2. okay that's not very fast. but you get the idea.
so while i'm sinfully browsing at some stranger's gigabytes worth of songs and nursing my faithful headache which has decided to stuck by me like some loyal pooch, i'm actually pining for post-exam days. oh another torturous week...
dragged myself forcefully out of bed at 7.15am to do last minute recapping.. another paper at 9am tmr morning. eeks.
anyways, today's paper was alright. fullstop. i don't know how to do after-exam evaluation anymore. for i've come to acknowledge that in reality, it's not about how good you think you are. it's about how much better others are. the bell curve is an evil thing.
i stepped into my room 15 minutes ago and looked into the mirror. geez, i dont think i could look any shity-er. it's the exams i tell you. it's making me ugly.
i'm gonna take an hour's nap. not that it will make me look any better but i hopefully it's gonna make tonight more productive.
one hour. all that i can afford. starting now.
zzzzzzzzzz........
Monday, November 22, 2004
hooked on to: still on your side by BBmak.
i think i'm sick.
no it can't be.
yes i am.
no i don't want to!
*wails*
yes. right. i think i've been mistreating my body and now it's taking revenge. oh yes sweet ain't it. during the lovely exam period to boot.
i keep getting the urge to rest my throbbing head, especially this morning when i woke up from my 5-hour sleep to the thought of impending chemistry in space exam. it frustrates me that even a supposedly easy module finds me scrambling to memorise last minute facts which is... URGHHH... so totally useless.
so amino acids in space actually underwent some kind of freak chemical reactions which resulted in the evolution of living things. bleargh.
i think i can't blog when i'm in a state of mind such as this. cos i simply seem to have lost all ability to write good eng-ger-rish.
CM 1101 paper was a total bummer. it came as an unpleasant surprise which had the pleasure of ruining my friday. and for a non-breathing object which has neither the ability to speak nor look irritating, it has remarkably accomplished its purpose rather well.
thank God it ended only at 4.30pm so there wasnt much left of the day. meeting rudy for dinner at munchie monkey's actually prevented me from losing my sanity. or a bleeding forehead from too much wall-banging.
ok i was exaggerating.
anyways, thank God most of the people i know do not think otherwise. so i'm now at the mercy of this evil graph called the bell curve.
oh well, no matter. =)
sunday's sermon lifted me up a great deal. faith is an act which has got to be acted upon. and i know i can find comfort in the fact that He who's able to speak visions in to my life also has the ability to bring it to pass. amen.
i think i'm sick.
no it can't be.
yes i am.
no i don't want to!
*wails*
yes. right. i think i've been mistreating my body and now it's taking revenge. oh yes sweet ain't it. during the lovely exam period to boot.
i keep getting the urge to rest my throbbing head, especially this morning when i woke up from my 5-hour sleep to the thought of impending chemistry in space exam. it frustrates me that even a supposedly easy module finds me scrambling to memorise last minute facts which is... URGHHH... so totally useless.
so amino acids in space actually underwent some kind of freak chemical reactions which resulted in the evolution of living things. bleargh.
i think i can't blog when i'm in a state of mind such as this. cos i simply seem to have lost all ability to write good eng-ger-rish.
CM 1101 paper was a total bummer. it came as an unpleasant surprise which had the pleasure of ruining my friday. and for a non-breathing object which has neither the ability to speak nor look irritating, it has remarkably accomplished its purpose rather well.
thank God it ended only at 4.30pm so there wasnt much left of the day. meeting rudy for dinner at munchie monkey's actually prevented me from losing my sanity. or a bleeding forehead from too much wall-banging.
ok i was exaggerating.
anyways, thank God most of the people i know do not think otherwise. so i'm now at the mercy of this evil graph called the bell curve.
oh well, no matter. =)
sunday's sermon lifted me up a great deal. faith is an act which has got to be acted upon. and i know i can find comfort in the fact that He who's able to speak visions in to my life also has the ability to bring it to pass. amen.
Friday, November 19, 2004
mood: strangely calm
listening to: Nothing Compares to You by Sinead O'Connor
step 1 : take a deep breath and hold it there.
my first paper is in 4 1/2 hours time. dont ask me why am i blogging.
went to orchard hotel to mug again yesterday.
the dread of exams which threatened my sanity 2 weeks earlier have dried and evaporated, leaving a trail of little guilts. primary reason being, why did i conveniently switch on my laptop and allow myself to be stuck in front of it for 1 1/2 hours since breakfast at 8.30 when i should be doing last minute tying up. i ought to be shot.
was attempting to change my blog layout, rather unsuccessfully, because i couldnt decide on a template which i liked. and when i tried to upload images as backgrounds somehow the whole thing just conked out on me. as a result, what you see now, is a product of html illiteracy.
listening to: Nothing Compares to You by Sinead O'Connor
step 1 : take a deep breath and hold it there.
my first paper is in 4 1/2 hours time. dont ask me why am i blogging.
went to orchard hotel to mug again yesterday.
the dread of exams which threatened my sanity 2 weeks earlier have dried and evaporated, leaving a trail of little guilts. primary reason being, why did i conveniently switch on my laptop and allow myself to be stuck in front of it for 1 1/2 hours since breakfast at 8.30 when i should be doing last minute tying up. i ought to be shot.
was attempting to change my blog layout, rather unsuccessfully, because i couldnt decide on a template which i liked. and when i tried to upload images as backgrounds somehow the whole thing just conked out on me. as a result, what you see now, is a product of html illiteracy.
resolutions for the month:
- i will be more punctual.
- i will stop making rudy wait for me.
- i will walk slower to prevent myself from commiting humiliating matrix act everytime i walk. ok not everytime. sometimes. and can somebody please tell me that this will only be accomplished if i dont have to rush for late appointments 99% of the time.
- i will buy more shoes. :)
- i will spend less. (i am not contradictining myself)
- i will lose weight. hrmpf.
i've just successfully forgotten what i wanted to blog about. God...
i hope i still remember my molecular orbitals. hmm.. is sigma bond more stable than a pi bond?
Pauling's exclusion rule states that no 2 electrons in the same atom can have the same set of 4 quatum numbers. Hund's rule states that the atom with the highest stability is the one with the greatest number of parallel spin.
what is a parallel spin??
alright, it's high time that i yank myself away from my laptop. maybe i should do a clement act. (clement act: the act of locking one's laptop in the cupboard due to inability of self to practice self-discipline in the period of examinations)
eventhough i have a gut feeling that clement's has probably been freed.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
mood: fighting with cramps.
hooked on to: Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis
a long overdue visit to town
went to orchard hotel to meet rudy to study this afternoon. was supposed to turn up at 11am and thereabouts. but well oh well, what do u know.. i went back to sleep after breakfast and woke up close to 12 noon.
was studying at the lounge with suz, mark and alex til 2.30am yesterday. which was quite a flop cos i was dozing off on the big, dirty, ugly lounge pillows that one thousand people before me have utilised, sat on and probably farted on. as mark and i have concluded.
the first trip to dreamland set off an hour after i settled myself in the lounge. wanted to sleep for 30 min and then proceed studying.
alas. the conspiracy of three came up with the evil plot and i woke up 15 minutes later to find that the clock (and my handphone too for goodness' sake) had been adjusted to 2 hours after its supposed time.
but in my unconscience i just couldnt decide whether or not to believe them and so proceeded with not making too much noise in order to not expose my naivete.
but nice try, boys and girls.. *smirk*
haha.
anyway, today was quite productive... i'm finally inclined to think that i'm not that unprepared afterall. but either way, lets not fret. things are going to turn out just okay... :)
left orchard hotel at 6 and shopped around for a while to look for stuff.
had it in mind to leave at around 7 so that i'll be in time before uncle vincent stops serving dinner.
but nooooo.... to convince myself that i will able to make up my mind and choose things in such a short time would be a big fat lie. self-delusion.
so reached hall only at 9.20pm. should start doing work soon!!
hooked on to: Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis
a long overdue visit to town
went to orchard hotel to meet rudy to study this afternoon. was supposed to turn up at 11am and thereabouts. but well oh well, what do u know.. i went back to sleep after breakfast and woke up close to 12 noon.
was studying at the lounge with suz, mark and alex til 2.30am yesterday. which was quite a flop cos i was dozing off on the big, dirty, ugly lounge pillows that one thousand people before me have utilised, sat on and probably farted on. as mark and i have concluded.
the first trip to dreamland set off an hour after i settled myself in the lounge. wanted to sleep for 30 min and then proceed studying.
alas. the conspiracy of three came up with the evil plot and i woke up 15 minutes later to find that the clock (and my handphone too for goodness' sake) had been adjusted to 2 hours after its supposed time.
but in my unconscience i just couldnt decide whether or not to believe them and so proceeded with not making too much noise in order to not expose my naivete.
but nice try, boys and girls.. *smirk*
haha.
anyway, today was quite productive... i'm finally inclined to think that i'm not that unprepared afterall. but either way, lets not fret. things are going to turn out just okay... :)
left orchard hotel at 6 and shopped around for a while to look for stuff.
had it in mind to leave at around 7 so that i'll be in time before uncle vincent stops serving dinner.
but nooooo.... to convince myself that i will able to make up my mind and choose things in such a short time would be a big fat lie. self-delusion.
so reached hall only at 9.20pm. should start doing work soon!!
Sunday, November 14, 2004
mood: unwell.
listening to: Malaika by Ono Lisa
The past 2 days of Celebration by the Bay have been great! too bad the carnival was dampened by the rain and so me, suzanne and lilian had to resort to hitching our nice pretty jeans while treading on the wet soil and queuing for expensive hotdogs. which may i mention we had to smuggle into the indoor stadium.
The conference by Rev. Ulf Ekman was seriously fantastic and faith-imparting. =)
my first paper is on this friday. and the thought of it just made me unwell all over again.
but oh well, revision is progressing, and i'm still pretty much alive thank you very much. so the conclusion is, i'm good. yes, very good. very very good.
if you havent already realised, i'm trying to practice confessing positive thoughts. but bear in mind that insensible use of it actually equates self-delusion. haha.
nevertheless, i'm good. you bet i am. otherwise this entry wouldnt even exist.
seriously, i'm like blogging once every light year already.
can't wait til after exam... i want to shop. i dont care if i have no money, i think i DESERVE to buy nice things for myself after all the pain of exams. so i shall fret about being broke after i get hold of da stuff.
dont worry, suzanne, i'll wait til your exam finishes on the 2nd december then we can have go and shop ;)
(read: i'm SO glad mine ends earlier than yours. hahahaha!!)
just kidding, girl.
gotta go back to my date. books here i come.
listening to: Malaika by Ono Lisa
The past 2 days of Celebration by the Bay have been great! too bad the carnival was dampened by the rain and so me, suzanne and lilian had to resort to hitching our nice pretty jeans while treading on the wet soil and queuing for expensive hotdogs. which may i mention we had to smuggle into the indoor stadium.
The conference by Rev. Ulf Ekman was seriously fantastic and faith-imparting. =)
my first paper is on this friday. and the thought of it just made me unwell all over again.
but oh well, revision is progressing, and i'm still pretty much alive thank you very much. so the conclusion is, i'm good. yes, very good. very very good.
if you havent already realised, i'm trying to practice confessing positive thoughts. but bear in mind that insensible use of it actually equates self-delusion. haha.
nevertheless, i'm good. you bet i am. otherwise this entry wouldnt even exist.
seriously, i'm like blogging once every light year already.
can't wait til after exam... i want to shop. i dont care if i have no money, i think i DESERVE to buy nice things for myself after all the pain of exams. so i shall fret about being broke after i get hold of da stuff.
dont worry, suzanne, i'll wait til your exam finishes on the 2nd december then we can have go and shop ;)
(read: i'm SO glad mine ends earlier than yours. hahahaha!!)
just kidding, girl.
gotta go back to my date. books here i come.
Monday, November 08, 2004
mood: amused by self
hooked on to: New Way to be Human by Switchfoot
it's been such a nerve-wrecking life i have here being a full time university student, hall resident, band member, cellgrp guitarist, etc and etc. It's a tough job being a good daughter and a good friend to people too. I can only pray that my physical and emotional stamina is not gonna fail me now. and ever, for that matter.
As i've confessed probably a thousand time before, life has been going at such a crazily merciless speed. It's as though God is up there watching over my life like some reality TV show. One fine day as He was sitting on His heavenly throne there amongst the sofa clouds He probably thought that my life has been going a little too slow so He decided to press the fast forward button and thought to Himself, "lets give it to her since she's asking for it."
and then He probably sat back down on His squishy armchair and smiled as He started on the movie marathon of how felicia has been frantically trying to manage her life.
everything that has happened has been a playful mix of joy, distress, expectancy, and discoveries. and amongst all the emotions, what i took pleasure in the most was the joy of hearing from God, obeying and receiving the reward of obedience.
Everything that has happened, some not bloggable, some too long a story to retell, some too mundane to be even recalled, some too emotional to be put into words, happened for a reason indeed.
And as we all attempt to tell our story and find our own little piece of heaven on this earth, i just cant help but feel, in all truth and honesty, that God is indeed the best author of any story book that anyone could ever write.
there goes my entry. short and sweet.
ah well.. maybe short, but not sweet.
till next time...
but to play safe, lets just assume that i'm taking a sabbatical from blogging for now. :)
hooked on to: New Way to be Human by Switchfoot
it's been such a nerve-wrecking life i have here being a full time university student, hall resident, band member, cellgrp guitarist, etc and etc. It's a tough job being a good daughter and a good friend to people too. I can only pray that my physical and emotional stamina is not gonna fail me now. and ever, for that matter.
As i've confessed probably a thousand time before, life has been going at such a crazily merciless speed. It's as though God is up there watching over my life like some reality TV show. One fine day as He was sitting on His heavenly throne there amongst the sofa clouds He probably thought that my life has been going a little too slow so He decided to press the fast forward button and thought to Himself, "lets give it to her since she's asking for it."
and then He probably sat back down on His squishy armchair and smiled as He started on the movie marathon of how felicia has been frantically trying to manage her life.
everything that has happened has been a playful mix of joy, distress, expectancy, and discoveries. and amongst all the emotions, what i took pleasure in the most was the joy of hearing from God, obeying and receiving the reward of obedience.
Everything that has happened, some not bloggable, some too long a story to retell, some too mundane to be even recalled, some too emotional to be put into words, happened for a reason indeed.
And as we all attempt to tell our story and find our own little piece of heaven on this earth, i just cant help but feel, in all truth and honesty, that God is indeed the best author of any story book that anyone could ever write.
there goes my entry. short and sweet.
ah well.. maybe short, but not sweet.
till next time...
but to play safe, lets just assume that i'm taking a sabbatical from blogging for now. :)
Me
fel
ulet_bu1u@yahoo.com.sg
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