when things seem too much, let your hair down, dump your notes, unclutter your mind and BLOG.
and the title of my post this lovely evening explains why i'm typing this entry.
while the practical part of me yells helplessly within, "get off your laptop and do work!", sometimes we just gotta take pleasure in ignoring and shuting off that pesky politically-correct sounding statement once in a while. seriously.

the past two weeks have been crazily jam-packed with work, work , work and more work. throw in a couple of cheap thrills in the form of unnecessarily extended breakfast/lunch/dinner/supper. but other than that, my life nowadays revolve only around lecture theatres, hall and all around campus. did i mention hall?
at times, looking at myself derives only guilt pangs and an undying desire to break free of this cage in which everyone seems to be trapped in a rat race that sees no end.
guilt. because i know that somehow i could have tried harder. so near yet so far. so easy yet so difficult.
i hate mediocrity. and it annoys me that i'm walking so near the edge of it that i could just easily fall if i dont tread carefully enough.
it's making me restless that i'm seeing myself being capable of evolving into something i hate the most. and i'm going to do something about it.

my memory has become unrecognisably bad. these few days' past happenings just dont seem to register to me anymore. my brain is like an expired and dried up super glue that helplessly attempts to stick pieces of information into the collage of my mind, only to find at the end of the day that the collage is but a bare, biased piece of cardboard that pettily retains only things i subconciously want to keep. other than that, it's au revoir.
i have no doubt that this only proves how mundane my academics obligations have become. going through the motion just doesnt work. how on earth do you remember mundane things?? but as much as it seems as though i'm pathetically trying to justify myself, i'm being honest by admitting that i'm not trying hard enough.

a peek into how stress has inevitably manifested itself in my life :
3 lab reports, 2 tutorials due last week, CMB meeting and hockey training on monday, i cant believe i cant remember what i did on tuesday, BMB meeting and volleyball training on wednesday, stats test today, Band concert today (phew), life science test tmr (EMERGENCY!), chem in space quiz tmr, FST project due 8th november, final exams in 3 weeks and counting.

my life has been going at such a bullet-train speed that if it goes any faster i can just bury myself in a hole and retreat into seclusion until the sandstorm of time dies down. life's passing me by at such an amazing rate that i'm constantly half-expecting myself to get sucked into some warped time tunnel and wake up realising that what i've thought was reality is just a ride on an imaginary carousel around the galaxy of time.

and yet, at the end of the day, i still have a certain confidence that things are going to turn out just okay. because He promised so. and that's all that matters. that's all that i need.

and all things work together for good to those who loves God. =)