mood: suffocated.
there goes my monday.
intended plan was to watch Troy with this friend who said that she would call me yesterday to re-confirm. in the end, she did not. i ended up being the one who called. a few times all the way til when i was getting ready to go to bed. couldnt get her at all. called again a few minutes ago (which was the 2nd time today), at which time i was all ready to blow my top & give her her well-deserved wake-up call that my life does not revolve only around her.

so, she picked up the phone. & the first thing she said was, "so how?"

i said, "so, do u have anything to say to me?"

and she went, "hah? i thought you were supposed to call me yesterday about today?"

*breathe in*

surprisingly, i didnt flare up after all. in fact, i dont even think she knew that i was fed up. and it was surprising because this is probably the hundredth time that she stood me up, the last time being only 2 days ago. and you would think that she would be sorry (quote) enough not to do the exact same thing so soon. 2 days. man, i'm so convinced that she's truly sorry. honestly.
and why do you think i took leave from work today? i could have made my way to work & earn myself another 30-40 bucks rather than sit around & wait for a half-hearted phonecall.

but i kept my cool. seriously, i amaze myself. so often i get myself so pissed & boiling inside that i would think there was no way that i wont vent it on that particular object which was the source of my distress. but when the time comes somehow i just always manage not to. which i guess is both good and bad. the bad thing being, people just think that i dont mind. people think i dont care. but if you would care to re-enter the earth's atmosphere and exit your little world, guess what. i do.

i'm sick and tired of people who say things and dont mean it. say they'll do it and they dont. i'm sick and tired of people who keep me waiting like some idiot and yet in the end never fail to prove that i was in fact aimlessly waiting for something that would never come. i'm sick and tired of people who always take me on a rollercoaster ride. bringing my hope so high only to kill it and then bring it up again. fun to you? it isn't to me.
do me a favour, will you just let your brain do a quick check with your words before you let it out of your mouth.
things you carelessly say, it may not mean anything to you. but guess what. it meant something to me. and i jolly well am sick and tired of you thinking that i'm just some trash can you go to when nobody else is available.
so the next time you open your mouth, think again, whether it would be better off shut.
i'm sorry if you think this is a mean entry. but before you judge, please bother to put yourself in my shoes, and tell me how would you like to be treated like that. complete with a big fat cherry on top.
you think i'm not being a friend enough? tell me what else is there that i have not been willing to give. you think i'm being unfair? tell me if you know what it fair.

good day to you.