weather today is friggin' HOT!!! and did i mention that i went suntanning a few days ago? a relative came to visit & she was staying at this beautiful 5 star hotel so i get to swim there!! and WOW. it was finally successful. as a result, i was and still is sunburnt. i thot i look quite okay with that darker complexion though. HEHE. then.
was admiring myself in front of the mirror for the first few hours after i finally decided to stop killing my skin cells & get off the pool. haha. it might be helpful to note that my mom was screaming her disapproval throughout the whole time. she said i now look like an indonesian maid.

haiz. but true, it only looks really good initially. after that it fades. stupid skin. it just doesnt tan. and when it does, it doesnt stay. hrmpf.

HOWEVER, the skin on my back is now peeling. peeling. fancy that! ewww.... and you know what? my sister wanted to bring it to school for biology experiment. she said she wanna know how it would look like under the microscope. *falls off the chair*
and since i violently objected (like who wouldnt???), she's been finding opportunities to get under my shirt & peel it off my back.

OK. i know this is getting way too gross. i shall stop.

will be going to jkt on the 29th feb. this sunday. so i will reach s'pore in 3 days' time. whoopie! cant wait. i think i've been staying here too long. and the thing that saddens me the most is my mum and dad insists that i come back here again. that i understand. but they want it quick. Apparently my dad's been really dependent on me to type his emails in english & my mum said she might be going to china in march to accompany my godma go for her operation. so she said it would be good if i come back asap. am i very selfish? i really really want to stay in s'pore longer.. i miss my friends. a lot. & i miss that life where i dont need to stupidly rot at home to wait til my mum has the time and mood to drive me to places. ok now i feel like crying. but my mum said that i should be considerate since the family needs me. really?

frankly i dont think it's as serious as she made it out to be. but unless it gets very urgent, i think i'm gonna try to take as long as possible to settle my uni application & hostel yadda yadda yadda. hopefully i can keep stalling til April 19!!!! hahaha! wanna spend my bday with my friends... not that i dont love my family but it gets boring you see. somemore, my family isnt the type who really celebrate bdays like that. most of the time they just let me be. wait. i dont even think my dad remembers my bday. :s

arghhhH!! i miss svc i miss svc i cannot stand it. whatever would i do without You? :)

i remember, before i became a christian, my relationship with God was such a childish affair. to me, God was like a sugar daddy somewhere up there sitting amongst some floating clouds, maybe looking down on us, deciding which angels to send & which prayers to answer.
when i prayed, it was like reading out a daily wish list in which i would speak out what i thought were imperfections in my life. i told God i wished i were richer, i wished i were in a better school, i wished i had better friends. i wished i was happier with my life.
and i thought maybe, just maybe. if i prayed hard enough, maybe if i shed enough tears, God will eventually look my way & my life will slowly fall into place.
i wasnt very interested in "a greater relationship" with God. i thought that was so uncool. so church-y. it sounded almost like a hoax.
i thought weekly visitations to church (even if that means falling asleep right under the preacher's nose), fishing out some loose change in my wallet to dump into the offering box, & praying once in a while would get me a ticket to heaven.
God was someone i learnt about in sunday school. He was someone to be heard about, to be talked about. but experiences with Him never seemed real, let alone personal. God was a "boss upstairs". it didnt feel like He was my friend.

Right now i really believe that God gave me such a great destiny. He took care of me even during those times when i hardly gave Him anything & even when it seemed like His love was kinda one-sided. Come to think of it now, it seemed so unfair that He gave me everything & died for me yet i took it for granted. When good things happened i thought it was sheer luck. yet when bad things happened i silently blamed Him for not caring enough. i was so foolish.

Indeed, people see and they believe. But i believe, therefore i see.

:) will resume again. gonna go & bring the dogs to the beach. so fun dumping them into the sea & watch them swim! alright. cancel the dumping part.
i never!