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I REALLY MISS GOING FOR SVCS!!!!!!!!!!!!! *wails*
hmm... they should be having fellowship now.
not that i regret being here, but i wish i get my weekly dose of sermons too. :'(
wonder what's been going on. yah.. maybe when i get back they might even start asking "who is that girl?". HAHA.

anyway, had my 2nd try at driving today. erm.. not EXACTLY a try. just wanted to get my hands on the wheel. HAHA. drove for like a few metres. yes. i know how pathetic i sound. but i think i'm beginning to get it! hallelujah! woo-hoo! of course the first time i did, i stepped on the accelerator pedal not knowing that the steering wheel was directed to the right. so it kinda "jerked" sideways to the middle of the road & my mum had to come to the rescue & steered it back into place before some blind bat at the rear rammed his car into ours.

we are still alive. thank you very much.

earlier in the morning, me & sis went swimming at Hard Rock cafe. I went to tan. SHE went to swim. but in the end, yes, you know the story. i came out of the place still the same shade. if there was any difference i couldnt really tell. :D swam 10 laps though.

there's kinda a lot of things going thru my mind now. i dont even know how to describe my mood. it's this mix of anticipation, anxiety, excitement, satisfaction, gratitude, and a sense of peace.
i will not deny that every now and then i feel jittery about the release of A level results which would be in, what, 3 and a half weeks??
when i was still in the midst of exams i was like constantly haunted by the possibility that i would screw my exams. i depressed myself by my own sense of inadequacy. and i worried because i know eventhough i trusted God, my faith was not enough. i felt condemned because i knew deep down i had doubts.

i used to question what does God have in store for me. or what unknown lies ahead of the road. admittedly i was often blinded by my own fear. sometimes i felt that the accountability was too great, the sense of aloneness was so painful. or it seemed like i was endlessly waiting for what i thought might not even come. what on earth was i supposed to expect?

i feel that when it comes to what i did by my own power, i've done the max that i could. the rest is by the grace of God. i'm anticipating the release of the results, but i no longer feel scared. one thing i know i should have held on to tighter, was the fact that God will not deprive His children of what is good.
i'm even excited! about what course i'll end up doing, what kind of new place i'll end up staying at (no more uncle, auntie & grandmother!!!!!!), what kind of new people i'm going to meet, what new responsibilities i'm going to take on.
hmm.. hmm.. hmmmm... :)

i think this year is going to be a great one.