going to jkt tmr! got so many things to pack my goodness. i dont understand why... everytime i come back i always resolve to bring and buy fewer things. i like light luggages. haha. but obviously i always fail miserably. God knows WHAT rubbish i've been bringing back. hmm.. mostly other people's stuff. :s
gtg back to packing!
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Friday, February 27, 2004
weather today is friggin' HOT!!! and did i mention that i went suntanning a few days ago? a relative came to visit & she was staying at this beautiful 5 star hotel so i get to swim there!! and WOW. it was finally successful. as a result, i was and still is sunburnt. i thot i look quite okay with that darker complexion though. HEHE. then.
was admiring myself in front of the mirror for the first few hours after i finally decided to stop killing my skin cells & get off the pool. haha. it might be helpful to note that my mom was screaming her disapproval throughout the whole time. she said i now look like an indonesian maid.
haiz. but true, it only looks really good initially. after that it fades. stupid skin. it just doesnt tan. and when it does, it doesnt stay. hrmpf.
HOWEVER, the skin on my back is now peeling. peeling. fancy that! ewww.... and you know what? my sister wanted to bring it to school for biology experiment. she said she wanna know how it would look like under the microscope. *falls off the chair*
and since i violently objected (like who wouldnt???), she's been finding opportunities to get under my shirt & peel it off my back.
OK. i know this is getting way too gross. i shall stop.
will be going to jkt on the 29th feb. this sunday. so i will reach s'pore in 3 days' time. whoopie! cant wait. i think i've been staying here too long. and the thing that saddens me the most is my mum and dad insists that i come back here again. that i understand. but they want it quick. Apparently my dad's been really dependent on me to type his emails in english & my mum said she might be going to china in march to accompany my godma go for her operation. so she said it would be good if i come back asap. am i very selfish? i really really want to stay in s'pore longer.. i miss my friends. a lot. & i miss that life where i dont need to stupidly rot at home to wait til my mum has the time and mood to drive me to places. ok now i feel like crying. but my mum said that i should be considerate since the family needs me. really?
frankly i dont think it's as serious as she made it out to be. but unless it gets very urgent, i think i'm gonna try to take as long as possible to settle my uni application & hostel yadda yadda yadda. hopefully i can keep stalling til April 19!!!! hahaha! wanna spend my bday with my friends... not that i dont love my family but it gets boring you see. somemore, my family isnt the type who really celebrate bdays like that. most of the time they just let me be. wait. i dont even think my dad remembers my bday. :s
arghhhH!! i miss svc i miss svc i cannot stand it. whatever would i do without You? :)
i remember, before i became a christian, my relationship with God was such a childish affair. to me, God was like a sugar daddy somewhere up there sitting amongst some floating clouds, maybe looking down on us, deciding which angels to send & which prayers to answer.
when i prayed, it was like reading out a daily wish list in which i would speak out what i thought were imperfections in my life. i told God i wished i were richer, i wished i were in a better school, i wished i had better friends. i wished i was happier with my life.
and i thought maybe, just maybe. if i prayed hard enough, maybe if i shed enough tears, God will eventually look my way & my life will slowly fall into place.
i wasnt very interested in "a greater relationship" with God. i thought that was so uncool. so church-y. it sounded almost like a hoax.
i thought weekly visitations to church (even if that means falling asleep right under the preacher's nose), fishing out some loose change in my wallet to dump into the offering box, & praying once in a while would get me a ticket to heaven.
God was someone i learnt about in sunday school. He was someone to be heard about, to be talked about. but experiences with Him never seemed real, let alone personal. God was a "boss upstairs". it didnt feel like He was my friend.
Right now i really believe that God gave me such a great destiny. He took care of me even during those times when i hardly gave Him anything & even when it seemed like His love was kinda one-sided. Come to think of it now, it seemed so unfair that He gave me everything & died for me yet i took it for granted. When good things happened i thought it was sheer luck. yet when bad things happened i silently blamed Him for not caring enough. i was so foolish.
Indeed, people see and they believe. But i believe, therefore i see.
:) will resume again. gonna go & bring the dogs to the beach. so fun dumping them into the sea & watch them swim! alright. cancel the dumping part.
i never!
was admiring myself in front of the mirror for the first few hours after i finally decided to stop killing my skin cells & get off the pool. haha. it might be helpful to note that my mom was screaming her disapproval throughout the whole time. she said i now look like an indonesian maid.
haiz. but true, it only looks really good initially. after that it fades. stupid skin. it just doesnt tan. and when it does, it doesnt stay. hrmpf.
HOWEVER, the skin on my back is now peeling. peeling. fancy that! ewww.... and you know what? my sister wanted to bring it to school for biology experiment. she said she wanna know how it would look like under the microscope. *falls off the chair*
and since i violently objected (like who wouldnt???), she's been finding opportunities to get under my shirt & peel it off my back.
OK. i know this is getting way too gross. i shall stop.
will be going to jkt on the 29th feb. this sunday. so i will reach s'pore in 3 days' time. whoopie! cant wait. i think i've been staying here too long. and the thing that saddens me the most is my mum and dad insists that i come back here again. that i understand. but they want it quick. Apparently my dad's been really dependent on me to type his emails in english & my mum said she might be going to china in march to accompany my godma go for her operation. so she said it would be good if i come back asap. am i very selfish? i really really want to stay in s'pore longer.. i miss my friends. a lot. & i miss that life where i dont need to stupidly rot at home to wait til my mum has the time and mood to drive me to places. ok now i feel like crying. but my mum said that i should be considerate since the family needs me. really?
frankly i dont think it's as serious as she made it out to be. but unless it gets very urgent, i think i'm gonna try to take as long as possible to settle my uni application & hostel yadda yadda yadda. hopefully i can keep stalling til April 19!!!! hahaha! wanna spend my bday with my friends... not that i dont love my family but it gets boring you see. somemore, my family isnt the type who really celebrate bdays like that. most of the time they just let me be. wait. i dont even think my dad remembers my bday. :s
arghhhH!! i miss svc i miss svc i cannot stand it. whatever would i do without You? :)
i remember, before i became a christian, my relationship with God was such a childish affair. to me, God was like a sugar daddy somewhere up there sitting amongst some floating clouds, maybe looking down on us, deciding which angels to send & which prayers to answer.
when i prayed, it was like reading out a daily wish list in which i would speak out what i thought were imperfections in my life. i told God i wished i were richer, i wished i were in a better school, i wished i had better friends. i wished i was happier with my life.
and i thought maybe, just maybe. if i prayed hard enough, maybe if i shed enough tears, God will eventually look my way & my life will slowly fall into place.
i wasnt very interested in "a greater relationship" with God. i thought that was so uncool. so church-y. it sounded almost like a hoax.
i thought weekly visitations to church (even if that means falling asleep right under the preacher's nose), fishing out some loose change in my wallet to dump into the offering box, & praying once in a while would get me a ticket to heaven.
God was someone i learnt about in sunday school. He was someone to be heard about, to be talked about. but experiences with Him never seemed real, let alone personal. God was a "boss upstairs". it didnt feel like He was my friend.
Right now i really believe that God gave me such a great destiny. He took care of me even during those times when i hardly gave Him anything & even when it seemed like His love was kinda one-sided. Come to think of it now, it seemed so unfair that He gave me everything & died for me yet i took it for granted. When good things happened i thought it was sheer luck. yet when bad things happened i silently blamed Him for not caring enough. i was so foolish.
Indeed, people see and they believe. But i believe, therefore i see.
:) will resume again. gonna go & bring the dogs to the beach. so fun dumping them into the sea & watch them swim! alright. cancel the dumping part.
i never!
phewwww!! my ticket is booked!! FINALLY! *blows balloon & throws confetti*
so i shall step on the land of singapore on 1 March 2004. this is a historical date. mark it down.
i really am excited about coming back to s'pore.. i just am. because i know great things are gonna happen.
He gave His life not only to give me eternal life, but life more abundantly.
He wore a crown of thorns so that i can wear one of righteousness, peace and joy.
wow. thanks gid. :)
so i shall step on the land of singapore on 1 March 2004. this is a historical date. mark it down.
i really am excited about coming back to s'pore.. i just am. because i know great things are gonna happen.
He gave His life not only to give me eternal life, but life more abundantly.
He wore a crown of thorns so that i can wear one of righteousness, peace and joy.
wow. thanks gid. :)
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
oh. forgot to mention that i actually went for a haircut a few days ago. only trimmed it though since i still liked my previous hairstyle quite a bit. haha. OBVIOUSLY, the hairstylist didnt really know how to do it & he commented "wah, hairstylists in s'pore really know how to use their scissors, eh?" cos my previous hairstylist layered my hair A LOT. haha!
so i walked out of the salon feeling cheated.
cos it didnt look as nice as it should considering the fact that i PAID for it! so anyway i complained to my mum and all. & my mum was like "hmmm...yah. see lah! see lah!" but just this morning, she made a statement. she said after a second glance, my hair actually looks quite nice!
but only because i just got out of bed.
so it was like using unseen wax.
.....
anyway, was helping my dad type this email to his client in the Philippines. He, being a worse computer idiot than me, doesnt know how to email. & he isnt good in english too. so gotta help him. but then he was sooo.... argh!!!
cannot quite communicate with him since he was shouting instructions and acting as though the mail will probably get lost in cyberspace or sumthing if i forgot to put a comma or full stop somewhere. hello...
so i walked out of the salon feeling cheated.
cos it didnt look as nice as it should considering the fact that i PAID for it! so anyway i complained to my mum and all. & my mum was like "hmmm...yah. see lah! see lah!" but just this morning, she made a statement. she said after a second glance, my hair actually looks quite nice!
but only because i just got out of bed.
so it was like using unseen wax.
.....
anyway, was helping my dad type this email to his client in the Philippines. He, being a worse computer idiot than me, doesnt know how to email. & he isnt good in english too. so gotta help him. but then he was sooo.... argh!!!
cannot quite communicate with him since he was shouting instructions and acting as though the mail will probably get lost in cyberspace or sumthing if i forgot to put a comma or full stop somewhere. hello...
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
my comp is finally fixed! got the modem replaced by this technician who came over. He had BO.
-_-'
anyway..seems like the A level results are going to be released on 3rd of march. so i think most probably i'll be returning to s'pore on the 1st of march, which is next monday. which is 6 more days. which is very soon!
i would have loved to schedule my flight on saturday, which is 28th feb (then can go for svc!!!). but THEN, my parents esp my dad kicked such a big fuss ("what for go back so early??"). i think they just dont want to inconvenience my relatives in s'pore. my dad said that i should just sit around and wait 'til they announce the date of release. and that it wouldnt be too late even if i book the tickets just 2-3 days before. AIYAAAHHHH....
what difference does it make?! so i've been nagging at him endlessly these past few days to book my tix & up til now he hasnt done so. it wouldnt kill to be a little more efficient right???? *sigh*
i mean come on! why must be so last minute? what if it's fully booked?? haiyo. i think i would have preferred to book it myself but then again, in bali, i'm hopeless and helpless. i cant even get around without my mum driving me to places. i dont really know the names of roads. i cant even give directions!! (like just now i couldnt get that technician to this house & i think the poor guy was lost.) and if lets say i'm stuck at home alone for a few weeks i'll probably die cos i'll only be able to boil water & cook whatever is in the fridge & put fruits into the blender (like i always do) & nothing else cos i wouldnt even know how get to the market to buy vegetables or what number to dial to call for pizza.
so everything has to be left to papa and mama.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....
i feel like i'm in kindergarten. i think s'pore is still better lah. at least they have proper transportation system. indonesia will have MRTs & nice air-con buses in another one thousand years i think. maybe more. yup. definitely more. *cheerfully*
i kinda miss s'pore :) really got a lot of things to settle when i get back. but other than that i'm quite looking forward to it, although i think i wouldnt be able to have as much fun as i used to. hmmm... no school.. so cannot meet friends. oh yes. another thing in bali. i got absolutely no social life to boot! -_- but i feel like this is a good break nonetheless.
i love breaks! :D
oh.. my earhole!!! this stupid thing has caused me on-off pain for the past 5 months(i think). why???? i dont get it. should i just let it close? cannot bear to... :(
eits. still gotta pack my things. hmm... cant bring much stuff over though cos i'm suppose to vacate my room in s'pore very soon so eventhough possessions from the past 18 yrs of my life have accumulated to quite a mountain.. WAIT! it's not even 18 yrs. it's only 6 that i spent in s'pore. aiyo... means i've really been buying lots of stuff huh.. how how.
i cannot come out of that house carrying dozens of cardboxes rite.. it will seem like i've been taking up so much space in their house looking as though the houseowners own less things than the tenant. which wont look good. HAHA. ok what am i saying..
ah! gtg.. sis has been faking coughs for the past 15 minutes. meaning she wanna use the comp. tsk!
-_-'
anyway..seems like the A level results are going to be released on 3rd of march. so i think most probably i'll be returning to s'pore on the 1st of march, which is next monday. which is 6 more days. which is very soon!
i would have loved to schedule my flight on saturday, which is 28th feb (then can go for svc!!!). but THEN, my parents esp my dad kicked such a big fuss ("what for go back so early??"). i think they just dont want to inconvenience my relatives in s'pore. my dad said that i should just sit around and wait 'til they announce the date of release. and that it wouldnt be too late even if i book the tickets just 2-3 days before. AIYAAAHHHH....
what difference does it make?! so i've been nagging at him endlessly these past few days to book my tix & up til now he hasnt done so. it wouldnt kill to be a little more efficient right???? *sigh*
i mean come on! why must be so last minute? what if it's fully booked?? haiyo. i think i would have preferred to book it myself but then again, in bali, i'm hopeless and helpless. i cant even get around without my mum driving me to places. i dont really know the names of roads. i cant even give directions!! (like just now i couldnt get that technician to this house & i think the poor guy was lost.) and if lets say i'm stuck at home alone for a few weeks i'll probably die cos i'll only be able to boil water & cook whatever is in the fridge & put fruits into the blender (like i always do) & nothing else cos i wouldnt even know how get to the market to buy vegetables or what number to dial to call for pizza.
so everything has to be left to papa and mama.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....
i feel like i'm in kindergarten. i think s'pore is still better lah. at least they have proper transportation system. indonesia will have MRTs & nice air-con buses in another one thousand years i think. maybe more. yup. definitely more. *cheerfully*
i kinda miss s'pore :) really got a lot of things to settle when i get back. but other than that i'm quite looking forward to it, although i think i wouldnt be able to have as much fun as i used to. hmmm... no school.. so cannot meet friends. oh yes. another thing in bali. i got absolutely no social life to boot! -_- but i feel like this is a good break nonetheless.
i love breaks! :D
oh.. my earhole!!! this stupid thing has caused me on-off pain for the past 5 months(i think). why???? i dont get it. should i just let it close? cannot bear to... :(
eits. still gotta pack my things. hmm... cant bring much stuff over though cos i'm suppose to vacate my room in s'pore very soon so eventhough possessions from the past 18 yrs of my life have accumulated to quite a mountain.. WAIT! it's not even 18 yrs. it's only 6 that i spent in s'pore. aiyo... means i've really been buying lots of stuff huh.. how how.
i cannot come out of that house carrying dozens of cardboxes rite.. it will seem like i've been taking up so much space in their house looking as though the houseowners own less things than the tenant. which wont look good. HAHA. ok what am i saying..
ah! gtg.. sis has been faking coughs for the past 15 minutes. meaning she wanna use the comp. tsk!
Friday, February 20, 2004
i HATE computers. i ABSOLUTELY detest them. i do.
for those of you wondering how come i havent been online these past few days, it's my comp. like duh, WHAT ELSE?? i cant seem to access the web. cant connect (since my modem is dial-up, not broadband). it says the line is busy so i think the problem is with the stupid telkom company. if you're now gloating about how u never have such problem in s'pore yadda yadda yadda then hey, GOOD FOR YOU.
yes! so for once i'm gonna admit that i am stuck in this countryside with this lousy, miserable chunk of metal to supposedly help ease my boredom a little & now it doesnt do its job anymore.
so i'm now at this cyber cafe nearby which houses so many freaking mosquitoes at 8.57pm. & the email i was expecting hasnt arrived. *blearghhh*
and you know what? this cyber cafe needs upgrading. seriously. the keyboard buttons look like they're about to pop out of their places if i press or yank them hard enough. as a result, i cannot type properly. now i've gotta do some some typo checking before i publish this post. AIYOOOO.
that's why. ciao for now!
for those of you wondering how come i havent been online these past few days, it's my comp. like duh, WHAT ELSE?? i cant seem to access the web. cant connect (since my modem is dial-up, not broadband). it says the line is busy so i think the problem is with the stupid telkom company. if you're now gloating about how u never have such problem in s'pore yadda yadda yadda then hey, GOOD FOR YOU.
yes! so for once i'm gonna admit that i am stuck in this countryside with this lousy, miserable chunk of metal to supposedly help ease my boredom a little & now it doesnt do its job anymore.
so i'm now at this cyber cafe nearby which houses so many freaking mosquitoes at 8.57pm. & the email i was expecting hasnt arrived. *blearghhh*
and you know what? this cyber cafe needs upgrading. seriously. the keyboard buttons look like they're about to pop out of their places if i press or yank them hard enough. as a result, i cannot type properly. now i've gotta do some some typo checking before i publish this post. AIYOOOO.
that's why. ciao for now!
Monday, February 16, 2004
i finally finished watching 28 episodes of winter sonata.
WAH. i tell you.
this show practically killed me, man. must applaud the director for having such a great deal of imagination & making it into the type of story which gets you wondering how the ending is like for half of the time u're watching it. *urghhh..* so i spent 2 and half days of wearing my lovely specs in front of the tv while squirming in my seat cos the show is like SO SO SO slow. the people cry like most of their lives. they cry when they eat. they cry when they talk. they cry when they work. they cry when they talk. they cry when they're happy, & they cry when they're sad. wow. *wonders in amazement*
hey i'm not being cynical, u know! i quite like the show cos it has a happy ending (uh-huh, it better. and yes. FINALLY.) & it's not like most girl meets boy boy meets girl they fall in love and watch the sunset and live happily ever after kind of story. haha. but then i think the next time i watch long episodes like that i'll jump straight to the last episode before deciding whether or not i want to sit through the agony. haha.
i mean come on lor! i hate sad endings cos it's so totally totally ...
(u might have noticed that i do that when i dont know how to describe things.) so if one day in your life u decide u want to make a movie then dont be so morbid, can? spare a thought for those poor souls watching. ^^
akhhh... i feel so out of shape. havent walked around for some time. oh well. you know. holidays. they do funny things to people. hahaha!
WAH. i tell you.
this show practically killed me, man. must applaud the director for having such a great deal of imagination & making it into the type of story which gets you wondering how the ending is like for half of the time u're watching it. *urghhh..* so i spent 2 and half days of wearing my lovely specs in front of the tv while squirming in my seat cos the show is like SO SO SO slow. the people cry like most of their lives. they cry when they eat. they cry when they talk. they cry when they work. they cry when they talk. they cry when they're happy, & they cry when they're sad. wow. *wonders in amazement*
hey i'm not being cynical, u know! i quite like the show cos it has a happy ending (uh-huh, it better. and yes. FINALLY.) & it's not like most girl meets boy boy meets girl they fall in love and watch the sunset and live happily ever after kind of story. haha. but then i think the next time i watch long episodes like that i'll jump straight to the last episode before deciding whether or not i want to sit through the agony. haha.
i mean come on lor! i hate sad endings cos it's so totally totally ...
(u might have noticed that i do that when i dont know how to describe things.) so if one day in your life u decide u want to make a movie then dont be so morbid, can? spare a thought for those poor souls watching. ^^
akhhh... i feel so out of shape. havent walked around for some time. oh well. you know. holidays. they do funny things to people. hahaha!
Sunday, February 15, 2004
yesterday i msged my auntie in s'pore telling her that i'll be back most probably the end of this month cos results will be out either end of feb or beginning of march.. asked if it would be okay with them.. the reply came this morning.
"Ok. but u'll need to vacate all your things once u're done w admission."
did that sound not very nice or am i just taking it too personally? oh dear.. i guess i still havent completely overcome this matter eventhough i'd like to think i have.. people who've heard me complain about this may find it so sickening cos i just never ran out of things to feel bitter about. i've tried to stop doing that. & i think i'm beginning to get it. but i must admit that so may times all i want is just to cry.
i dont want to tell my mum cos i know she'll be upset. i know she worries for me but she cant do or say a thing to make things better. there are a few people whom i hate to make them worry about me. i really mean it.
my mum is one of them.
oh dear. i think when i'm older i wouldnt want to have a daughter like myself. i'm such an irritant. i never made people feel good about anything. i make people sick & worried. i make people irritated cos i'm just me.
dont mind me i just need to make myself feel better. now i'm done. yay!
i'm older now. i think another chapter of my life is about to begin & i'm getting myself ready.
i want to be an overcomer.
oh yes, btw, spent valentine's day watching 12 episodes of the Korean drama, Winter Sonata. how erm.. interesting. haha!
"Ok. but u'll need to vacate all your things once u're done w admission."
did that sound not very nice or am i just taking it too personally? oh dear.. i guess i still havent completely overcome this matter eventhough i'd like to think i have.. people who've heard me complain about this may find it so sickening cos i just never ran out of things to feel bitter about. i've tried to stop doing that. & i think i'm beginning to get it. but i must admit that so may times all i want is just to cry.
i dont want to tell my mum cos i know she'll be upset. i know she worries for me but she cant do or say a thing to make things better. there are a few people whom i hate to make them worry about me. i really mean it.
my mum is one of them.
oh dear. i think when i'm older i wouldnt want to have a daughter like myself. i'm such an irritant. i never made people feel good about anything. i make people sick & worried. i make people irritated cos i'm just me.
dont mind me i just need to make myself feel better. now i'm done. yay!
i'm older now. i think another chapter of my life is about to begin & i'm getting myself ready.
i want to be an overcomer.
oh yes, btw, spent valentine's day watching 12 episodes of the Korean drama, Winter Sonata. how erm.. interesting. haha!
Friday, February 13, 2004
i want to cry.
realised i'll be missing Pst Ulf's seminar this tue, wed & thurs.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH...
think i'll really be missing a lot of things.
:'(
dont feel like writing anything now.. no mood...
sigh.
realised i'll be missing Pst Ulf's seminar this tue, wed & thurs.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHH...
think i'll really be missing a lot of things.
:'(
dont feel like writing anything now.. no mood...
sigh.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
oh well...
went out with my mum today.. i think i've kinda sorted out my thoughts & i think the most probable scenario is i'll be flying back here after i settle all that needs to be settled in s'pore. as to how i'm going to prevent myself from collecting dust & rotting periodically, will deal with that then. hahaha!
:D
went out with my mum today.. i think i've kinda sorted out my thoughts & i think the most probable scenario is i'll be flying back here after i settle all that needs to be settled in s'pore. as to how i'm going to prevent myself from collecting dust & rotting periodically, will deal with that then. hahaha!
:D
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
sigh.
mum was in one of her contemplative & paranoid mood. and i hate it.
oh yes, all these thanks to my relatives in s'pore who are apparently making everyone under the impression that i'm such a huge pain in the neck who constantly drive them to the wall during my stay with them. for the sake of self-help i shall decline to comment more on the above statement which will result in endless debate about who is the angel & who is the evil one.
first, it was my act-as-though-she-knows-it-all grandmother who doubtless feels that i'm the most useless granddaughter she ever has the misfortune of having & has countlessly expressed her regret in asking me come to s'pore to study. have i mentioned that she told my mum that too? hmm..maybe more. and she told her that my uncle doesnt wish to be my guardian anymore when i get to the U. now the funny thing is, if that's true & since this is like so serious, how come she didnt tell that to ME? hello? whose life are u having a nice little discussion about? ME. so??
so. A level is over. & time has come for felicia the troublemaker to go back to her kampung. woo-hoo! suddenly the world is a better place to live in! i bet they must be popping champagne or something. and they thought that they wouldnt need to see my undesirable face for the next 6 months until uni starts.
but hey! my mum thinks that i'm about to destroy their happiness by wanting to come back at the end of Feb to collect my results, and then probably rooting there 'til it's time to carry the backpack again. so she wants me to go there, collect my results & settle everything, then fly back here before they can say "go away". apparently my grandma told her that i dont have to collect it personally & my uncle can do that & then check whether NUS wants me, THEN tell it to me, THEN i can come back. or something like that. now i'm beginning to wonder WHAT ELSE has she been telling my mum.
EXCUSE ME??? what is going on?
sounds bad, huh? i dont even know how to feel. i wish things are not as bad as it sounds. the thing is i dont know. if they're not that bad & i've done them injustice by typing the above paragraphs, then i'm sorry.
but then again how do you expect me not to think that that's how things are when that's how you've been making other people believe what the truth is like.
i wouldnt be proud & say that this isnt entirely my fault. i guess when u put people coming from different generations together the chemistry just isnt right. & when you're talking abt three generations, it gets interesting. cos they quarrel in every possible combinations possible (go back to C-maths permutations & combinations topic). like auntie being unhappy with granny then telling it to me, or granny being unhappy with auntie then telling it to me. or the maid being unhappy with both auntie & granny then telling it to me. dont u think it's funny how these people work?
will resume again. need to cool my head.
mum was in one of her contemplative & paranoid mood. and i hate it.
oh yes, all these thanks to my relatives in s'pore who are apparently making everyone under the impression that i'm such a huge pain in the neck who constantly drive them to the wall during my stay with them. for the sake of self-help i shall decline to comment more on the above statement which will result in endless debate about who is the angel & who is the evil one.
first, it was my act-as-though-she-knows-it-all grandmother who doubtless feels that i'm the most useless granddaughter she ever has the misfortune of having & has countlessly expressed her regret in asking me come to s'pore to study. have i mentioned that she told my mum that too? hmm..maybe more. and she told her that my uncle doesnt wish to be my guardian anymore when i get to the U. now the funny thing is, if that's true & since this is like so serious, how come she didnt tell that to ME? hello? whose life are u having a nice little discussion about? ME. so??
so. A level is over. & time has come for felicia the troublemaker to go back to her kampung. woo-hoo! suddenly the world is a better place to live in! i bet they must be popping champagne or something. and they thought that they wouldnt need to see my undesirable face for the next 6 months until uni starts.
but hey! my mum thinks that i'm about to destroy their happiness by wanting to come back at the end of Feb to collect my results, and then probably rooting there 'til it's time to carry the backpack again. so she wants me to go there, collect my results & settle everything, then fly back here before they can say "go away". apparently my grandma told her that i dont have to collect it personally & my uncle can do that & then check whether NUS wants me, THEN tell it to me, THEN i can come back. or something like that. now i'm beginning to wonder WHAT ELSE has she been telling my mum.
EXCUSE ME??? what is going on?
sounds bad, huh? i dont even know how to feel. i wish things are not as bad as it sounds. the thing is i dont know. if they're not that bad & i've done them injustice by typing the above paragraphs, then i'm sorry.
but then again how do you expect me not to think that that's how things are when that's how you've been making other people believe what the truth is like.
i wouldnt be proud & say that this isnt entirely my fault. i guess when u put people coming from different generations together the chemistry just isnt right. & when you're talking abt three generations, it gets interesting. cos they quarrel in every possible combinations possible (go back to C-maths permutations & combinations topic). like auntie being unhappy with granny then telling it to me, or granny being unhappy with auntie then telling it to me. or the maid being unhappy with both auntie & granny then telling it to me. dont u think it's funny how these people work?
will resume again. need to cool my head.
Monday, February 09, 2004
i'm bored!!!!!!!! but i love my life. haha.
things i'm going to do when i get back to s'pore:
1.)pack my stuff into boxes & throw away useless stuff (for the zillionth time).
have i told you that i LOVE packing my room? i do that when i'm stuck at home. i do that when i'm stressed. i do that when i want a change. u'd probably think i'm a freak. i guess it's the sense of control that i enjoy having. :) like knowing that your things are in place. lemme see..
i know how i position this small hill of bags in my cupboard. i know what kind of knots i tie on my drawstring bags. i know which pen belongs where. & i always know when someone messes with my stuff. & i know it when my auntie wears my sandals. (urghhh.)
yes. i like to have my life in place too. :)
2.)read more newspaper & lookout for a cheap flat i can rent.if dont have then settle for hostels lor.. but then again i might not even get the priority to stay in hostels. (all these are being considered already at the assumption that i'm getting myself into NUS. haha!) hey.. if you dont try to be optimistic, what is there left to look forward to, right? *pats myself on the shoulder*
3.)maybe spend more time alone (eventhough i've had lots). i think i should get myself used to that. :)
oh well. that wasnt much of a list. i'm seriously beginning to lose the ability to think eventhough i know the list should have been much longer. there just seems to be so many unresolved things. it's tugging uncomfortably at the back of my mind. i think a lot of it has to do with human relations. what that is left unsaid. what only i myself know.
i think i have the tendency to think to much. u know, like taking a bus/ MRT alone & you just start to wonder abt things. people. myself.
urgh...my mind is a complex thing. it drives me nuts at times. especially when i'm left alone too often. haha!!
which goes back to the problem, why am i still alone at this age of nearly-19?? seriously, i think this is my mum's problem more than mine. considering the AMOUNT of comments & guesses & amusement than she displays. now where do you find a mum like that? i thought most mothers of teenagers nowadays are supposed to be those who sit their daughters down at the family living room & talk to them about the cons of having a bf & how it's going to ruin their life yadda yadda yadda. my mum does otherwise. & it isnt really helping.
hmm.. i think i'm too fierce. my mum thinks so too.
hahaha! this is so funny!
oh yeah, alex!! please stop wailing about the valentine's day thingy. *lol!*
things i'm going to do when i get back to s'pore:
1.)pack my stuff into boxes & throw away useless stuff (for the zillionth time).
have i told you that i LOVE packing my room? i do that when i'm stuck at home. i do that when i'm stressed. i do that when i want a change. u'd probably think i'm a freak. i guess it's the sense of control that i enjoy having. :) like knowing that your things are in place. lemme see..
i know how i position this small hill of bags in my cupboard. i know what kind of knots i tie on my drawstring bags. i know which pen belongs where. & i always know when someone messes with my stuff. & i know it when my auntie wears my sandals. (urghhh.)
yes. i like to have my life in place too. :)
2.)read more newspaper & lookout for a cheap flat i can rent.if dont have then settle for hostels lor.. but then again i might not even get the priority to stay in hostels. (all these are being considered already at the assumption that i'm getting myself into NUS. haha!) hey.. if you dont try to be optimistic, what is there left to look forward to, right? *pats myself on the shoulder*
3.)maybe spend more time alone (eventhough i've had lots). i think i should get myself used to that. :)
oh well. that wasnt much of a list. i'm seriously beginning to lose the ability to think eventhough i know the list should have been much longer. there just seems to be so many unresolved things. it's tugging uncomfortably at the back of my mind. i think a lot of it has to do with human relations. what that is left unsaid. what only i myself know.
i think i have the tendency to think to much. u know, like taking a bus/ MRT alone & you just start to wonder abt things. people. myself.
urgh...my mind is a complex thing. it drives me nuts at times. especially when i'm left alone too often. haha!!
which goes back to the problem, why am i still alone at this age of nearly-19?? seriously, i think this is my mum's problem more than mine. considering the AMOUNT of comments & guesses & amusement than she displays. now where do you find a mum like that? i thought most mothers of teenagers nowadays are supposed to be those who sit their daughters down at the family living room & talk to them about the cons of having a bf & how it's going to ruin their life yadda yadda yadda. my mum does otherwise. & it isnt really helping.
hmm.. i think i'm too fierce. my mum thinks so too.
hahaha! this is so funny!
oh yeah, alex!! please stop wailing about the valentine's day thingy. *lol!*
Sunday, February 08, 2004
is www.mytagboard.com down or something????????????
-__-"
I REALLY MISS GOING FOR SVCS!!!!!!!!!!!!! *wails*
hmm... they should be having fellowship now.
not that i regret being here, but i wish i get my weekly dose of sermons too. :'(
wonder what's been going on. yah.. maybe when i get back they might even start asking "who is that girl?". HAHA.
anyway, had my 2nd try at driving today. erm.. not EXACTLY a try. just wanted to get my hands on the wheel. HAHA. drove for like a few metres. yes. i know how pathetic i sound. but i think i'm beginning to get it! hallelujah! woo-hoo! of course the first time i did, i stepped on the accelerator pedal not knowing that the steering wheel was directed to the right. so it kinda "jerked" sideways to the middle of the road & my mum had to come to the rescue & steered it back into place before some blind bat at the rear rammed his car into ours.
we are still alive. thank you very much.
earlier in the morning, me & sis went swimming at Hard Rock cafe. I went to tan. SHE went to swim. but in the end, yes, you know the story. i came out of the place still the same shade. if there was any difference i couldnt really tell. :D swam 10 laps though.
there's kinda a lot of things going thru my mind now. i dont even know how to describe my mood. it's this mix of anticipation, anxiety, excitement, satisfaction, gratitude, and a sense of peace.
i will not deny that every now and then i feel jittery about the release of A level results which would be in, what, 3 and a half weeks??
when i was still in the midst of exams i was like constantly haunted by the possibility that i would screw my exams. i depressed myself by my own sense of inadequacy. and i worried because i know eventhough i trusted God, my faith was not enough. i felt condemned because i knew deep down i had doubts.
i used to question what does God have in store for me. or what unknown lies ahead of the road. admittedly i was often blinded by my own fear. sometimes i felt that the accountability was too great, the sense of aloneness was so painful. or it seemed like i was endlessly waiting for what i thought might not even come. what on earth was i supposed to expect?
i feel that when it comes to what i did by my own power, i've done the max that i could. the rest is by the grace of God. i'm anticipating the release of the results, but i no longer feel scared. one thing i know i should have held on to tighter, was the fact that God will not deprive His children of what is good.
i'm even excited! about what course i'll end up doing, what kind of new place i'll end up staying at (no more uncle, auntie & grandmother!!!!!!), what kind of new people i'm going to meet, what new responsibilities i'm going to take on.
hmm.. hmm.. hmmmm... :)
i think this year is going to be a great one.
I REALLY MISS GOING FOR SVCS!!!!!!!!!!!!! *wails*
hmm... they should be having fellowship now.
not that i regret being here, but i wish i get my weekly dose of sermons too. :'(
wonder what's been going on. yah.. maybe when i get back they might even start asking "who is that girl?". HAHA.
anyway, had my 2nd try at driving today. erm.. not EXACTLY a try. just wanted to get my hands on the wheel. HAHA. drove for like a few metres. yes. i know how pathetic i sound. but i think i'm beginning to get it! hallelujah! woo-hoo! of course the first time i did, i stepped on the accelerator pedal not knowing that the steering wheel was directed to the right. so it kinda "jerked" sideways to the middle of the road & my mum had to come to the rescue & steered it back into place before some blind bat at the rear rammed his car into ours.
we are still alive. thank you very much.
earlier in the morning, me & sis went swimming at Hard Rock cafe. I went to tan. SHE went to swim. but in the end, yes, you know the story. i came out of the place still the same shade. if there was any difference i couldnt really tell. :D swam 10 laps though.
there's kinda a lot of things going thru my mind now. i dont even know how to describe my mood. it's this mix of anticipation, anxiety, excitement, satisfaction, gratitude, and a sense of peace.
i will not deny that every now and then i feel jittery about the release of A level results which would be in, what, 3 and a half weeks??
when i was still in the midst of exams i was like constantly haunted by the possibility that i would screw my exams. i depressed myself by my own sense of inadequacy. and i worried because i know eventhough i trusted God, my faith was not enough. i felt condemned because i knew deep down i had doubts.
i used to question what does God have in store for me. or what unknown lies ahead of the road. admittedly i was often blinded by my own fear. sometimes i felt that the accountability was too great, the sense of aloneness was so painful. or it seemed like i was endlessly waiting for what i thought might not even come. what on earth was i supposed to expect?
i feel that when it comes to what i did by my own power, i've done the max that i could. the rest is by the grace of God. i'm anticipating the release of the results, but i no longer feel scared. one thing i know i should have held on to tighter, was the fact that God will not deprive His children of what is good.
i'm even excited! about what course i'll end up doing, what kind of new place i'll end up staying at (no more uncle, auntie & grandmother!!!!!!), what kind of new people i'm going to meet, what new responsibilities i'm going to take on.
hmm.. hmm.. hmmmm... :)
i think this year is going to be a great one.
i cannot see my tagboard.
i dont know why.
.....
i dont know why.
.....
Thursday, February 05, 2004
EXCEEDING JOY
I have found exceeding joy,
Jesus answered when i call this Name that has saved me,
pure love that embraced me.
Mercy, grace, eternal life.
Bought from darkness to His light.
While lost in my sin He raised me and made me live.
My soul magnifies the Lord,
my heart joys in God my Saviour,
for He lifts the lowly.
He's done great things for me.
I will sing, praising evermore,
He is mighty and Holy is His name.
I will lift my head up high
praising Jesus through each trial.
Though i have not seen Him, i LOVE Him completely..
thank You, Jesus. for all those times You lifted me up.
:D
I have found exceeding joy,
Jesus answered when i call this Name that has saved me,
pure love that embraced me.
Mercy, grace, eternal life.
Bought from darkness to His light.
While lost in my sin He raised me and made me live.
My soul magnifies the Lord,
my heart joys in God my Saviour,
for He lifts the lowly.
He's done great things for me.
I will sing, praising evermore,
He is mighty and Holy is His name.
I will lift my head up high
praising Jesus through each trial.
Though i have not seen Him, i LOVE Him completely..
thank You, Jesus. for all those times You lifted me up.
:D
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
ok. apparently the "winter apparel" method worked. HAHAHA!
managed to sleep a little bit despite feeling atrociously warm underneath the blanket with the aircon OFF. when i woke up at 10am-plus most of the swells have gone away. praise the LOrd!!!! :D
oh yes. did i mention that i wore socks too? & if i own gloves i probably would have worn them too. since there were also swells at the back of my hand. at the back of my hand. can u imagine the agony???
thanks mon. udah ngga gue garuk sih, eventho' masih gatel dikit. hyarghhh! bau minyak tawon! eneg. haha.
they're still itching. wonder what bit me. or is it some allergy? T_T
managed to sleep a little bit despite feeling atrociously warm underneath the blanket with the aircon OFF. when i woke up at 10am-plus most of the swells have gone away. praise the LOrd!!!! :D
oh yes. did i mention that i wore socks too? & if i own gloves i probably would have worn them too. since there were also swells at the back of my hand. at the back of my hand. can u imagine the agony???
thanks mon. udah ngga gue garuk sih, eventho' masih gatel dikit. hyarghhh! bau minyak tawon! eneg. haha.
they're still itching. wonder what bit me. or is it some allergy? T_T
ok. this morning is ABSOLUTELY the worst morning in my holiday. i wouldnt even be exaggerating to say it's the worst in my life.
yesterday i couldnt sleep due to this persistent itchiness & this morning, this beauuuutiful morning, i woke up to find swells all over my body. swells which look like mosquito bites, except that these swells are HUGE & they cover most part of my leg, my arms, & a bit on my stomach & back. i suspect they look like that because i had been scratching them nonstop since yesterday midnight.
ARGH! (i'm dying to SCRATCH.)
my good maid, who seems to be experienced in these kinds of itch-related symptoms, smeared this funny smelling oil all over my arms & legs. and said that i shouldnt let them come into contact with water, nor should i sleep in aircon room. now HOW ON EARTH do you sleep in a non aircon room???? & she suggested that i wear long pants & long-sleeved shirt & lie on my bed, wrap myself with a blanket & the swells will go away.
which i did.
just that i'm sitting in front of the computer screen. not on my bed. at 6 AM in the morning.
so here i am, wearing long pants & long shirt looking as though it's winter in bali, wrapped in a white blanket looking like a ghost, smelling of medicated oil (euwwwwww...), trying my darnest not to scratch. and awake. all that at this ungodly hour of six am in the morning.
oh yes. life is just beautiful.
yesterday i couldnt sleep due to this persistent itchiness & this morning, this beauuuutiful morning, i woke up to find swells all over my body. swells which look like mosquito bites, except that these swells are HUGE & they cover most part of my leg, my arms, & a bit on my stomach & back. i suspect they look like that because i had been scratching them nonstop since yesterday midnight.
ARGH! (i'm dying to SCRATCH.)
my good maid, who seems to be experienced in these kinds of itch-related symptoms, smeared this funny smelling oil all over my arms & legs. and said that i shouldnt let them come into contact with water, nor should i sleep in aircon room. now HOW ON EARTH do you sleep in a non aircon room???? & she suggested that i wear long pants & long-sleeved shirt & lie on my bed, wrap myself with a blanket & the swells will go away.
which i did.
just that i'm sitting in front of the computer screen. not on my bed. at 6 AM in the morning.
so here i am, wearing long pants & long shirt looking as though it's winter in bali, wrapped in a white blanket looking like a ghost, smelling of medicated oil (euwwwwww...), trying my darnest not to scratch. and awake. all that at this ungodly hour of six am in the morning.
oh yes. life is just beautiful.
Monday, February 02, 2004
"love comes from heaven."__ pst.sun
isn't that a good thing? :) i wish i have one too.
isn't that a good thing? :) i wish i have one too.
Sunday, February 01, 2004
alright. i DIDNT get to drive. lets not ask why. *hmpf*
went to town in the afternoon to walk around & shop for stuff which gid asked me to buy. walked & walked & walked. in the end, only managed to buy 1 Quiksilver tee. :p
the rest needed me to go home & "sleep on it" before deciding. *headache*
Have you any idea how stressful it is when people ask you to buy stuff?? you gotta make sure that what you end up getting will not make them vomit blood or foam at the mouth when they get hold of it. or worse still, pretend they like it when they dont. haha. i CAN tell, okay.
of course this particular fella absolutely wont have the cheek to hide it. he'll just fall off the chair to emphasise his point. haha!! :D
i'm getting a little bored with this place. i'm feeling kinda caged. & i've run out of places to go. really wanted to get some stuff for the cellgroup but seriously, i dont know what!!! coconut trees? surfboards? seashells?? i might just end up not buying anything. hmm..
yesterday i almost bought a painting. today i almost bought a table lamp. that's before it struck me that i've already RESOLVED not to buy anymore useless stuff.
correction. NICE useless stuff.
this is so funny. whenever i walk downtown, somehow or another, the locals, be it the cab driver or the road side sellers, they ALWAYS think that i'm some taiwanese or that i come from China or sumthing. then they'll yak away in some funny-accented english while i go about browsing their goods trying not to laugh 'til i decided to buy something. :D
when i finally reveal my identity they'll let out an "OHHHHHHH..." & show their true colour. u know they charge the ang mohs 3 or 4 times the original price! but then again when i finally do manage to get my stuff they're normally not happy guys 'cos i'm quite a merciless bargainer. haha...
otherwise some cheesy ones squatting at the roadside will shout away, "ni hao ma?" or "wo ai ni!" eventhough i seriously dont think they know what they're yabbering about.
haha! & my lil sister is now throwing a tantrum because i teased her abt not wanting to eat a quail egg. sheesh! childish.
i dont know HOW i'm ever going to live with her if she does come to s'pore to study. i'm gonna have a hard time walloping her.
i miss going for svcs.... :'(
"He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I shall be his God and he shall be My son." -Revelation 21:7-
went to town in the afternoon to walk around & shop for stuff which gid asked me to buy. walked & walked & walked. in the end, only managed to buy 1 Quiksilver tee. :p
the rest needed me to go home & "sleep on it" before deciding. *headache*
Have you any idea how stressful it is when people ask you to buy stuff?? you gotta make sure that what you end up getting will not make them vomit blood or foam at the mouth when they get hold of it. or worse still, pretend they like it when they dont. haha. i CAN tell, okay.
of course this particular fella absolutely wont have the cheek to hide it. he'll just fall off the chair to emphasise his point. haha!! :D
i'm getting a little bored with this place. i'm feeling kinda caged. & i've run out of places to go. really wanted to get some stuff for the cellgroup but seriously, i dont know what!!! coconut trees? surfboards? seashells?? i might just end up not buying anything. hmm..
yesterday i almost bought a painting. today i almost bought a table lamp. that's before it struck me that i've already RESOLVED not to buy anymore useless stuff.
correction. NICE useless stuff.
this is so funny. whenever i walk downtown, somehow or another, the locals, be it the cab driver or the road side sellers, they ALWAYS think that i'm some taiwanese or that i come from China or sumthing. then they'll yak away in some funny-accented english while i go about browsing their goods trying not to laugh 'til i decided to buy something. :D
when i finally reveal my identity they'll let out an "OHHHHHHH..." & show their true colour. u know they charge the ang mohs 3 or 4 times the original price! but then again when i finally do manage to get my stuff they're normally not happy guys 'cos i'm quite a merciless bargainer. haha...
otherwise some cheesy ones squatting at the roadside will shout away, "ni hao ma?" or "wo ai ni!" eventhough i seriously dont think they know what they're yabbering about.
haha! & my lil sister is now throwing a tantrum because i teased her abt not wanting to eat a quail egg. sheesh! childish.
i dont know HOW i'm ever going to live with her if she does come to s'pore to study. i'm gonna have a hard time walloping her.
i miss going for svcs.... :'(
"He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I shall be his God and he shall be My son." -Revelation 21:7-
Me
fel
ulet_bu1u@yahoo.com.sg
ol' goods
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
tagboard
links
hoze
alexie
tami
the nutties
monica
max
roy
andre
clement
lydia
sheares d-blockers!
denyse
kris
suzanne
gabe
markie
briony
keer ling
huiru
original layout
"w4rnawarni : no entry (ADfree)"