oh dear...
the "thing" that i dread the most is poking its face in EXACTLY 3 days. excluding sunday it would be 2. minus sleeping time & eating time & showering time & travelling time, it would be about less than 24 hours. .

*silence*

ARGHHHHHHHHHH!! --> reality sets in.

oh MY.

i guess it's just something i've gotta face isnt it...the problem with me is just that i'm too proud to take failures. i cannot stand it when i find myself trapped in the position where i feel inferior next to that someone who seems to have it all. spiritual wise, i feel abit envious when i see that someone having encounters after encounters & shining His light so bright. all of a sudden i feel like the salt that has lost its flavour & a light that has been put under the basket. i feel like i'm not good enough. i feel like i've lost my first love. i feel like i've got no stamina to run & seek & knock & search for that thing i yearn for the most. i feel so out of touch. so out of love.
i want so badly to travel back & experience one more time that joy. that hunger. that passion. that knowing that His promise ahead is so worth clinging on to. it still is. but in a way i've let the haze cloud my vision. so bad..

i need to get away.. i really do...
funny isn't it... when things around you just start changing like never before & you feel like you're spinning & spinning & spinning... you ask yourself when is it ever going to stop? then you think it has. but it hasnt. you go through the same cycle of wondering what went wrong.. what have you done... but the answer doesnt come. and you wonder if it ever will.

argh.

oh well.. i guess it's like that.. sometimes you give. and you give. and you give. and you feel like you just cannot stop giving... they said you made a difference... and after a while you wonder if those words which once made you cry was really real. and you wonder if you wasted your tears on the right people.. and you wonder if you are still worth it. you wonder if they'll ever give you an answer. and you cannot stop wondering.